Perpetual Motion Mind

Changes....

2007-05-07T10:41:00.000-07:00

Well I made it to 5-6-7...

Hello everyone. I am better than ever and I hope you are doing as well.

Hola Neus... Yo me fui del Hotel Lys y estoy viviendo con Paolo y Rita en sus casa. Voy a mandar un email con el numero del telefono aqui y voy a explicar tambien.

I have left Hotel Lys and I am living with an Italian family here in Montezuma. They own a small ranch on the cliffs above the town. There are horses, chickens, dogs, cats, monkeys, rabbits, snakes, scorpions, lizards, unimaginable birds and every insect species on the planet. The ranch is in the middle of the rain forest. I will stay here for the next few months to watch their house while they are in Italy.

After that I am not sure where the light will lead me.

The invitation is always open for anyone to come visit me in paradise. Trust me, you will forget everything else during your time here...in other words, no stress!!

Talk soon....

Fi Fiu

Nicaragua

2006-04-09T18:53:00.000-07:00

I wanted to let everyone know that I am in Nicaragua. I am in a little pueblo called San Juan del Sur. I have been here for a little while and am actually getting homesick for Montezuma.

Sooo...I am going back tomorrow. Yeah!

I will be back soon...here on my blog. Still super felice!

Nos Vemos

another post below for those in the mood for a story. Un cuento bien mis amigos.

Lighthouse Keeper

2006-04-09T16:44:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share this story again. It seems that someone might enjoy reading it again so as to remember the message....(first published Aug 2005)

Some time ago I was told a story about the lighthouse keeper. I searched for years and finally found this elusive man. The following is my memory of our conversations.

I was a young boy when I first realized that a search was in order. I had been told a story about a man that knew the secrets of the lighthouse and all the wonders to behold there. He spent his days and nights in the tower of white stone, briefly appearing as a ghostly shadow within the glass dome atop the pillar. The brightness of the light prevented all below from ever truly knowing what he was doing to keep such a bright lumination active. Few ever ventured close enough to inquire and as such, the mystery began to evolve...to gain life. The man who tended the light became a mythological creature with powers beyond human understanding. Or so the story goes...

I felt a strong desire to find this lighthouse and ask the keeper his secrets. What is there to fear in asking. If death is the result of my question, then I have my answer...do I not? So I began to look for this white pillar of mystery topped with a light too bright to view. I wanted...needed to meet this man.

Years went by and finally the clue I needed. As I stood there comparing the picture postcard with the live image flowing into my eyes, I was comforted by the smells and sounds that filled in so much about the scene I previously didn't know. Gulls swimming in the waves of air as seasalt breezes sharpen the senses. Fantastic blues growing into each other as the ocean and the sky melt into a moving background for this stupendous white tower. Even on a such a sun-filled day, the light dancing in the dome is brilliant and enticing. Momentary glimpses of the wonder above as swirling light teases the eyesight. I had found the lighthouse and stood awestruck for hours. --

What do I ask of the keeper? Now that I am here, what do I ask? This question was but a grain of sand as I would soon discover.

In my vacant stare upward I had failed to notice the man standing in the door at the base of the tower. He was dressed simply and seemed small in stature from this perspective. Maybe the tower is just that much larger than him. His hair what cut short and well kept sandy gray. He was gesturing to me to approach as if I were a stray dog looking for a meal. He was not apprehensive...I was.

Heart racing and skin crawling, I forced my legs to move with a simple lean forward. They had to go once my head began to move. I felt nothing of the earth beneath me as I went toward this unknown experience. With time growing less reliable, I found myself quickly at the feet of this mysterious man. He looked gently into my eyes and smiled. I was frozen in place, mouth ajar, trying to find language to use. This fleeting emotive response was relieved by a simple word.

"Hello", said the keeper.

"Hello", I replied.

The man adjusted his stance slightly and extended his hand toward me. "You are this first in many years to approach and I am happy to have the company".

As I grasped his hand I was filled with a warm feeling of comfort. I no longer felt afraid to ask the questions I had come to ask. I had been welcomed by the mythical lighthouse keeper and now must act on the opportunity.

The lighthouse doorway was much smaller than I had imagined and this man was physically slight. The tower was even more majestic at this close range as the craftsmanship and stonework became obvious. As I followed my invitation inside, I ran my hand across the stones of the tower and felt their cool strength solidify my resolve. My hand slid gently along the surface until it reached the aged wooden doorframe, a reminder of my place here...rough, unfinished, and needing work. I followed him inside and we began our conversation.

The light of day was dimmed significantly inside this spiraling tower and the shadows of the room fell only on cut stone walls and floor. The room at ground level was perfectly round and probably a hundred feet in diameter. The vastness of this space was striking. The only distinguishable feature was the stone staircase snaking up the wall into the haze above. Interesting that this room has only one wall...one continuous wall. The keeper was standing at the base of the first step allowing my eyes to adjust as well as my brain.

"When you are ready, I have much to share."His voice echoed oddly. He sounded everywhere at once when he spoke inside this shaft.

I went to him, "Can you tell about your existence here?"

"I exist here because I have chosen to tend to the light", he replied.

The cryptic response was not a good sign. So vague in the reply. Probably because my question was so vague. Start with something simple I told myself. "May I go up to see the light?"

"Yes...in time" He seemed to think to me. I wondered if it might be the weird echo causing this sensation. "First there are steps to take between there and here. As you can see we are standing at step one of the spiral upwards. It is at our feet presently."

Below my feet was a step that became infinitely massive as I stepped upon it. My eyes were playing tricks on me. I could see the smallness of the step when I was standing in the room. It had been no greater in size than a step in a common home. Until I stood upon it. Now it seemed immense and the step up was beyond view. My blank look was allowed to exist as long as needed. I have no idea how long I stood there, gawking...wondering how this could be. Absorbing my new environment.

As I exhaled, "Where.. are.. we?"

"We are on step one", he said.

"How did the small step I saw originally become so huge?", I inquired.

His answer was simple and magnificent. "When you were first looking at the step, you were seeing it as you were told to see it. Once you stood upon it without anticipation, you were able to see it as it is."

He continued, "The first step is this massive once you realize that there are many things to learn about it. The importance of exploring this step to the fullest extent cannot be underestimated. This is the foundation for our climb. Can you see the value in knowing every possible concept and structure of this foundation step?"

Frustrated at my missing of the obvious, "I didn't realize that there was more to learn about something that seemed so simple. I didn't know...".

He smiled at this remark and questioned me again, "Did you not believe that you would find something new to learn by finding me?"

Ahhh, logic. My favorite. "Yes, I did believe in that. So how do I begin...what do we do?"

We spent many hours discussing the first step and all that this first step implied. Every crack was explored and each bit of sensory input materialized into consciousness. We would ponder the angles and the curves, the shapes and designs, for long periods. I once again was finding time unreliable and wondered how long had it been...really. It could have been days, but I wasn't hungry or thirsty. Still, time was failing me. After learning much I finally asked how long we had been on step one and how long do we remain?

"We remain as long as necessary and have only been here as long as you perceive to have been here."

As my brain unscrambled this message, I began to notice the changes in front of me. The step up had become clearly visible and was shrinking in size...no I was growing. Everything around me once again was like the moment I arrived. I was standing on this normal step next to the keeper. We were once again in the circular room. The lighting and shadows having not changed. I felt absolutely wonderful. Empowered.

" We now have the ability to continue to step two", he said.

Up we went. A gentle motion of muscle created by bioelectricity brought my foot to this magnificent next step. Time began to fail again and before my eyes the world became massive in size. The concept of the room, the first step, the entire tower was gone from perception as we stood in the vastness of this new step. Our endless conversations began in earnest and continued for immeasurable amounts of time. We discussed the new concepts found on step two and combined them with the knowledge we had gained on step one. The mental connections growing exponentially.

As suddenly as we had descended into this giant step we were once again normal size. We had enjoyed watching the height of step three gradually bow to our level. And now were prepared to proceed to it and begin again.

Still my hunger abated and thirst did not imprison me. I had no desire but for more knowledge. I had to ask my new friend.

"How come I am not hungry or thirsty? We have been at this for days as far as I can tell."

"You are fulfilled by that which you desire", he said.

"So if I desire knowledge and receive it, I will be fulfilled? I will not need to eat or drink? I cannot understand this for I am human and have specific needs for survival." My frustration was becoming obvious.

He smiled and replied, "You have been taught how to survive as you are, but you desire growth and change. If you anticipate a need for the basics of food and water as an integral aspect of this growth and change, then you will be limited to that existence. As we have seen on the first two steps, anticipation is limiting while objectivity is liberating. The small step became immense until understood completely. Once understood completely, the step does not go back to being small, but you grow to tower over the step in it's true size."

We continued our discussions up the spiral, into the shrinking vortex of light at the top. At the half way point, as I could best discern, we stopped for a rest and to look back upon our progress. We were at such a height, my groin was tingling with fear and excitement. As we looked about, the light had grown brighter and the walls closer together. My attention was drawn to the changes in my friends appearance. His hair is shoulder length and his beard full. My hands are exploring my own new long hair and beard in a simultaneous motion of thought and sensate. How long have we been at this?

"If you grow weary we can rest. The journey is not to be rushed. We must give our brains time to assimilate the information so we can best apply it going forward." His demeanor had not changed as our appearances had. He still glowed with delight and wonder. Was he getting younger?--

We spent a millennia together according to my best estimates. No way to explain this without having walked up the steps yourself. Along the way I was beginning to understand more completely how the process strives to evolve one's knowledge and shape one's soul. This journey is very individualized and specific for all who choose to embark. Mine had been spectacular.

We eventually reached the final step. We were standing before the platform surrounded by glass. The floor ahead was a miniature copy of the floor below, every stone a smaller duplicate. Even the stones that sloped upward into the base of the spinning light were precisely cut to match their sisters below, ever twisted up and open to the light. Blue sky glows in all directions as if we are swimming in the sky with the gulls. Rotating filaments of light fill the space in the perfect center of the glass sphere.

He asks, "Are you ready to move on"?

"Yes", I say. My confidence is still tempered by this new view.

We step up onto the platform of stone and spend our first moments staring at the light we have reached. It was a fiercely white light from the ground outside. I could barely stand to look in it's direction for long. Yet now I was standing with my face creating carbon monoxide ghosts on the glass of the majestic light. The colors were hypnotic. I had never seen color like this. The white of the light was no more than a transparent shell around all the colors. It must be a prism of some sort.

I asked my well traveled friend, "Is it a prism that allows me to see these spectacular colors"?

"You see the light as it is, not as you had been taught to see it. You no longer are limited by your perception for your perception has outgrown limitation", he gently remarked.

I immediately understood and began to weep with joy. Ecstasy. I see...I finally see!!

As my emotions were absorbed back into my being, I decided to spend time with my friend, tending the light. We had many wonderful conversations, most of which are for another time. We spent perhaps another millennia together until finally one day I asked the next question.

"What is next?", I politely inquired.

He smiled and looked pleased in the fact that I would ask. To those who would reach such a height and be in the presence of such a light, how could they dare ask for more? Trust me when I say that upon the completion of your journey up the steps of this tower, you too will understand why this question is not bold nor inappropriate. In fact, it is the next question. The true answer to all questions are other questions.

"It is your choice to remain here or to return. You have finished but one journey up, of which there are infinite paths. You are welcome here as long as you desire, but when you desire more a choice must be made." His answer was a perfect circle as it should be.

I understood and made my choice. It was easy!--

I decided to share this story so that you too might see that the lighthouse keeper is not to be feared. He is only there to help those who ask. The climb is the true experience and once I was at the summit, I just had to climb it again. Wanna go with me this time?

Chocolate Cake

2006-03-20T16:12:00.000-08:00

I wanted to say hello and let everyone know that I am extremely happy.

I will be posting poetry soon...blah blah blah. Found bliss!!

And I return the big chocolate cake kiss...and add a brownie hug!! Ah Neus...
Hasta Luego

hola amigos

2006-02-17T15:29:00.000-08:00

Still in Montezuma... Hmmm, still happily cruising.

I have much to speak about but words are failing me at this hour. I cannot explain how much I have changed. Even I cannot believe it. Yo hablo espanol y mi vida es tranquilo. Todo bien aqui...

Soon... more words about my daily existence, though I cannot say how long it will be until my next post. Oh and by the way.... I was right about everything!

Hasta luego mis amigos...

Breathing....

2005-12-02T09:59:00.000-08:00

I am happily cruising through a new existence. I am doing great!! The internet connection is so sloooooooooowwwwww that I will say little with my own words for now.

Click the link below to see the hotel and town I have been in for the past three weeks...I am staying here until at least January 10th.

http://www.hotellysmontezuma.net

I am happy...Yo estoy muy tranquillo y aprendio mucho...

ciao....

¿Como?

2005-11-11T15:55:00.001-08:00

I have completely accepted this journey. In fact, my expectation of like minded people in search of truth and those that would share the truth have been fulfilled. This may not be the only place in the world to find a culture that accepts everyone as a person first, without judgement, but I am enthralled with the idea that when I say "hola", I get a smile and an "hola" back. Everytime! Granted, there are the areas and people that lack morals and will harrass you, however they are easily rebuked and disappear readily.

I have not even left the San Jose area and I am already in love with this place. The exhaust fumes and traffic and noise cannot dampen my enthusiasm for this land of riches. The kind of riches you cannot purchase.

I am off to Montezuma tomorrow morning. I have a four hour bus ride through the rain forest and then on to a ferry across the gulf of Nicoya. I am thinking about staying there for a month, so I may rent an apartment. $300 - $500/month. WEEEEEE!!!

Montezuma is on the Northwest Pacific Coast of the country, in case you are cartography oriented. It sits at the end of the Nicoya penninsula. 80 degree water year round and weather like Hawaii. Oh yeah, the surf is apparently kick ass. I will see for myself when I arrive.

CLICK ME for Playa Montezuma Info and Pictures....

I hope to write something other than silly details about this place, but right now I am very much in awe and extremely giddy all the time. Hard to focus the creative energy right now. But it will come, I can feel it.

And as for the daily celebration at 4:20, think quarter pound for $30 US. I wish I could show you the smile on my face! And yes, I said pound.

Ciao for now, I will write again soon!

¡¡Pura Vida!!

Day 1

2005-11-10T11:05:00.000-08:00

Please try not to get used to daily updates, I happen to have free access right now so I will be able to get some info up the next few days.

It has been raining all day today, but it´s a tropical, warm rain and it apparently does stop sometimes. Even San Jose is wrapped in rain forest. Everything has moss growing on it and the people are totally cool. My spanish is much better than I remembered and getting better every moment.

Last night I was sitting aroung in bean bags drinking Imperial Cervezas and chatting with a couple from Canada, a dude from Alaska, five people from Sweden, and a guy from India. Not to mention the local Tico´s. Everyone here for the same reasons...to get away and to do it bohemian style. Dennis and Kay from Marina Del Rey via San Francisco and Canada, cool people on a mission to live life off the freeway.

Today I spent $2 on ham and eggs with toast and coffee for breakfast, then I spent $3 for a lunch plate of carne, rice, beans, and veggies. Cigarettes are $1.50 a pack!!!! Things are wow cheap. Everyone is totally nice. I mean, people on the street will actually all say hello to you with a smile. Try that in L.A. and beware of the consequences. Impressed so far I am.

Anyway, this seems to be everything I expected and more and it has only been one day. So much more to come...yeah. I´ll be back to post as the experiences begin to pile up. One more night in San Jose and then I am off to the rain forest to canoe down a river for some time.

If you are curious as to the towns or perhaps wanted to look at a map, I am heading north from San Jose through to Puerto Viejo de Sarapiqui. Then it´s into the National Park as I make my way east to the coast. I will stay in Tortuguero for a while once I make it to the coast. Ciao for now!!

Aqui...

2005-11-09T18:15:00.000-08:00

Yo estoy en Costa Rica!! I made it!! Talk soon.

Family Verse

2005-11-06T16:21:00.000-08:00

I wanted to post this poem for everyone...those that the poem is about have seen this already, so here goes...

*****

My Family Tree

Dad

You’re a piece of me
And I a piece of you
Such a young man
And a dedicated dad
You gave up a life
That belonged to you
And worked hard for us
It’s what you knew
And it’s your gift
To boys that will be
Simply your proud legacy
So I’d like you to know
How much a hero
You always will be
To your five sons
But especially me

Mom

You’re a piece of me
And I a piece of you
Such a young woman
To be handed this crew
You loved our dreams
And listened to screams
From you we were born
And are forever indebted
We will never forget it
This truth will never fade
Inside us you will not age
So I’d like you to know
How much a hero
You always will be
To your five sons
But especially me

Matt

You’re a piece of me
And I a piece of you
My first friend in life
And my little brother too
We shared young years
Good times laughs tears
This nothing can change
Not even our old age
And as we live love on
Please see in us
Brothers till infinity
So I’d like you to know
How much a hero
You always will be
To your four brothers
But especially me

Joe

You’re a piece of me
And I a piece of you
So much like I can be
And rareness that is you
We shared the ocean
Our gift to each other
We will always be surfing
As lifelong brothers
Our bond is the sea
And it goes on forever
Just like bro’s should be
So I’d like you to know
How much a hero
You always will be
To your four brothers
But especially me

Tom

You’re a piece of me
And I a piece of you
A magic gift to us
And my third pal to be
We shared a rhythm
And thumping bass beat
You create from the heart
With talent we can see
Check Check 123
Brother you are art
In our priceless treasury
So I’d like you to know
How much a hero
You always will be
To your four brothers
But especially me

Mikey

You’re a piece of me
And I a piece of you
Born last into our life
You live on in infamy
We shared a closeness
That cannot be known
And have a bond
Not of flesh and bone
Your years on earth
Changed all for better
Fly sweet angel keep watch
So I’d like you to know
How much a hero
You always will be
To your four brothers
But especially me

*****

I am off for my hegira and will be posting as often as I can. Computer access will be less than daily, maybe only weekly sometimes, so check back here once in a while. The stories can only get better from this point forward. The journey ahead is filled with opportunity.

Ciao from the coconut! Pura Vida!

Rhythm...

2005-11-05T21:30:00.000-08:00

some of my favorites from a time of great vision...

*****

Cubicle

Not going back
To that cube
Nor the desk
Stay away now
For my health
Not the risk
Money took over
My daily mind
I’m over it all
No hourly grind
Not looking back
At corporate earth
Free of the trap
This is my worth

*****

Light

Eyes wide open strain to see
Sun warmed dreams of flight
Mind caressed by a gentle breeze
Of words she begins to write

Thoughts of life flow from hand
Penned with all her might
Stories plentiful as grains of sand
Envelope her in soothing light

Never stop oh beautiful scribe
For living requires persistent fight
A journey only you can describe
An adventure of pure delight

I crave your next written work
For each moment I spend reading
And all the chores I can shirk
There’s no greater feeling

*****

one of my favorites and mom will know why...

Evening Lineup

Mirror reflecting sunlight orange
Broken into streams of night
Wings swept back as eyes forage
Distant cresting comes in sight

Air swims faster across the plane
Linear motion pushes steadily
Heartbeats racing without feign
Must face the onslaught readily

Glowing fire of half a sun
Melting into a liquid glass
It’s tendrils reaching in a run
Enveloping all in a blinding pass

Black lines slowly grow and turn
Becoming green as they tower
Snarling teeth agape do yearn
To crush you within their power

Eyes upon the flying screams
Charging without hesitation
A-framed fists straight from dreams
Zero time for contemplation

Turn and feel the mighty hand
Grasping you within it’s might
As water rushes over sand
Giving man the power of flight

*****

Death

I once felt death without fear
It held me gently in it’s arms
Surrounding me there to here
Protecting me from further harms

I asked my questions in a row
Never expecting a quick reply
For I truly had no place to go
I was dead and could not lie

Not one response from my captor
As I challenged an untimely fate
It simply left a glowing rapture
And said the time was getting late

As I fell from death’s safety
Breath returned with a bite
Heartbeat jumped from a maybe
My eyes regained valuable sight

Now the pain of life returned
As lessons for me to cherish
No stone shall be left unturned
Without worry of being garish

I miss my friend dressed in black
But must allow time to creep
I have been given my life back
Until again my soul is reaped

*****

more original poetry to come... in a while.

Chicken...

2005-11-04T23:49:00.000-08:00

...souper!

If I could, I would make this the theme song for my blog. I will find some way to accomplish this, but you may satisfy your curiosity by clicking THIS.

More Rhyme...

2005-11-04T23:29:00.000-08:00

...a few more that can lighten the load!

*****

Mind my mind

Had a thought today
Electric signals flowing
Something wiped it away

Tried to find myself
Looked inside my brain
Lots stacked up on a shelf

Done trying to think
Can’t find a reason
Nothing seems in sync

So many years to go
How many have I lived
What will I have to show

*****

Mad at Me

Now I’m mad at me
How long it took to see
Mad it seemed at she
It hit me suddenly
I enjoyed it much as we
It grew up so lovely
Ended more abruptly
Needed to act out angrily
Realized that’s just not me
And since it cannot be
I expected someone’s pity
But now I’m mad at me

*****

Ctl+A Delete

Control alt delete
Brings the box alive
Glowing lights replete
The file of a life
My past stored neat
All memories of strife
Piled head to feet
Removed with the knife
Of control A delete

*****

Blame

Who do you blame
For your efforts failed
Your days all the same
All your dreams curtailed

I blame me and you
And that Mom in a shoe
I blame Police and Politicians
For leaving me wounded
The Barber and Beauticians
For what that raccoon did
I blame the Aliens
Even they’re guilty
For causing my failings
Not making me wealthy

Who do you blame
For all those errors
You know the name
It’s the face in all mirrors

*****

Cliché

I counted my chickens
And the cupboards are bare
Scared out of my dickens
It’s not nice to stare
What’s in a name
You can’t pick your parents
It’s only a game
And I’ve lost my bearings
I once got up early
To catch all the worms
Stop calling me Shirley
In no certain terms
And the crowd groans
As hand in glass house
Begins to throw stones
The cat chased the mouse
For a badge of merit
Two birds in my fist
See the dangling carrot
It’s all in the wrist
My eggs in one basket
And the sky is falling
Measured for a casket
Is that Mom calling...

*****

More to come....

Poetry

2005-11-03T19:54:00.000-08:00

I have decided to share all of my poetry on this blog. It is only of value if it is shared. Enjoy them...the poems will come in chunks!

*****
The following set is from a time of love and heartbreak...

*****

Sleep

Sunshine melts the morning haze
As she sleeps so soundly peaceful
Dreams drifting behind her gaze
Through a tender mind so wonderful

I can only lie beside her staring
At a woman so beautiful I burn
Inside and bubble over with caring
For her embrace I crave and yearn

Should I wake her from her bliss
With desire from within me wanting
Just to draw her to me with a kiss
As mind and body begin panting

I will wrap myself around her softly
Feeling the warmth of her breathing
As I drift back to dreamland gently
My soul alive and flush with feeling

In this state of bliss we lavish
Each moment spent asleep until
We can awake together to cherish
Each loving desire we can fulfill

*****

Baja Way

She took my hand down Baja way
To spend our time in sunshine
Laughing and loving while at play
She wants me to know she’s mine

I want her to know about a place
Inside my heart for she and I
To exist as one in this race
Of life we’ll win side by side

I love her as the only one
That lights my fire everyday
She took my hand into the sun
She took my heart down Baja way

*****

Joshua Tree

For years she has dreamed
Of a place filled with trees
And Joshua it seemed
Was a destiny for me

A desert sky vibrant blue
Against an earth so barren
Memories of contrasting hues
And our future of caring

Sun melting into glowing fire
Freezing our moment of bliss
A desert alive with burning desire
All waiting for a simple kiss

Glorious night sky of glittering stars
Reflecting inside eyes so green
All the love on earth is ours
I cherish you my wonderful dream

That night Joshua stopped to see
Our moment glowing and life begun
Souls together and meant to be
Forever growing and never done

The desert silence was our song
Drifting upward into the stars
Two hearts melding into one
A lifetime of love to be ours

*****
...all things end.

*****

Alone

Today begins with a sorry feeling
A day to continue with ominous tone
It will not end but keep me reeling
In a constant state of being alone

Tomorrow will begin the same
Drag on with a belabored moan
I participate in this daily game
Standing always empty and alone

Weeks will pass as life goes by
I sense the sadness and groan
Do I give in to this or do I try
To keep on living all alone

Months continue to start expire
As I struggle to find a home
A refuge in which to build a fire
Where I can finally be alone

*****

Down

Falling towards a speeding ground
Escape from fate in not a choice
My life is coming crashing down
I scream but no ears hear my voice

I burden her with days of sorrow
She accepts them as if her own
Pushed to not want another tomorrow
Only to be away from my sad drone

Tears stream constant always down
Away from my heart they flow
I wear heartbreak as my crown
Someone help me find my glow

Buried under worlds of heartache
Digging only covers me worse
Suffocating with each breath I take
Time has become a terrible curse

I cannot do this just with me
All smiles have faded to a frown
Lost in sadness I look for she
The only soul that can slow me down

Spiraling toward uncertain destiny
I hold my breath as I drown
Someone cares so please rescue me
I’m falling stumbling crashing down

*****

Lost

He sits quietly deep in thought
Alone inside he struggles in pain
Covered in worry with fear he’s fraught
No other can bring end to his disdain

He contemplates a life he’s given
What has it been each long year
For each person from it he’s driven
Away from him because of fear

No one he has ever cared for
Has been allowed to stay for long
Scared he pushes them till no more
Will they listen to his sad song

He protects himself with calloused cold
From love of others at all cost
This boy this man is growing old
Running from life he is lost

*****

Whew.... Okay, that's enough for now. Much more to come.

Farmer Frank

2005-10-20T15:02:00.000-07:00

Farmer Frank woke up one morning and realized that he needed to change things on his farm. For some reason, he was barely surviving with all the daily hard work. His farm was simply not a successful one. He was growing some crops, but just enough to feed himself and his family. He was having some success with the chickens, but it was sporadic. He couldn't get his cow and bull to mate, so if he were to eat them, he would have none. Farmer Frank had to change things and quickly. Time for plan B.

As the rooster woke the sun, Farmer Frank knew exactly what to do. Even though he only had faith the plan would work. If not, no harm done and many things learned. So, Frank headed over to the see the chickens first. After all, they were the early risers on the farm.

Inside the chicken coup, Frank greeted his chickens and asked for their attention. Once the chickens had gathered around, he proceeded to explain things. He told them that he needed them to survive, just as they needed the grains and grubs they ate. He explained that in order to remain on the farm, they would have to find a way to produce something. The other choice was to be eaten.

As the chickens mulled over the choices, they began to ask questions of the Farmer. As they learned all they could, the decision to cooperate became an easy one. They would produce eggs for the farmer and the farmer would continue to care for them. This was acceptable to the chickens because they were happy in the barnyard and coup. They liked living and found this choice more palatable. The chickens also held the right to choose to be eaten, if they ever tired of this existence. Farmer Frank left the coup a satisfied man.

On his way to meet the cow and bull, he paused to ponder the corn in his field. With faith leading the way he marched into the field. He asked the corn to listen to his story and help find a solution. He explained that he needed the corn to survive and that he was barely able to harvest enough. He told the corn that he would help it to live comfortably and he would help it to reproduce. He would bring it all that it needs to survive and in return only asked for healthy, plentiful corn cobs. When the corn heard the offer, it was so honored with the knowledge that it gladly accepted the deal. The corn would produce cobs and would be cared for in exchange.

Farmer Frank had grown confident in this new approach. His pace had slowed to a glide as he approached the cow and bull. Each with such a sad face upon it. He greeted them and asked them listen to his story. He explained that he was keeping them alive with the intent of eating them. He told the cow that he needed her milk and more offspring or she would be eaten. The bull was told the same and asked to help produce offspring, otherwise he too would be eaten. This was the rule of the farm and they could no longer live here if they didn't accept one of the choices. The cow spoke up and asked how much and mow many and how how how! The farmer gave her some acceptable numbers and the cow agreed. The bull asked if he could have a separate pasture from the cow and the children. This was accepted by the farmer and the bull agreed to the terms of the offer.

Farmer Frank had finally found the perfect plan and he anticipated success. He had one last stop to make. This was the one he dreaded most, for the choices were not so great if you are pig. He entered the mud pen and paused to think about how to phrase this. He looked deeply at the pigs and as his lips opened to speak, the pigs all spoke first. The pigs told him they heard all the other conversations and had been wise enough to ponder their options on this farm. They explained that they could provide nothing but their flesh in exchange for living on the farm. It was the pigs that saved the farmer as they suggested a plan. They agreed that living in mud was not the best of conditions, but they were okay with it for now. The pigs offered their eldest as food and asked the farmer to allow the young pigs the choice of being eaten. That way, a pig could grow old and experience much before dying and all pigs would have a choice to leave if they tired of their existence on the farm. Win-win.

Suddenly exhausted and hungry, Farmer Frank returned to his home. The sun had already set on the best day of his life. Things would be better from now on. He understood that sharing and asking and explaining served a higher purpose. Things would be better, he had faith.

Only Now

2005-10-04T18:59:00.002-07:00

I have spoken before about the apparent lack of true time as we know it. I have ventured to explain that everything exists always, at once. There is no past or future or present. We only perceive things this way.

In order to fully explain the new analogy I am going to share, we must include only the NOW in our discussion. This present moment, the ever fleeting glimpses of infinity that are each and every new nano-second. There is no past or future in our realm, for we are ruled by the NOW. We can remember things that have occurred, but those experiences are no more tangible than the ones we are about to face. Only the NOW is available for contemplation because the NOW is our master.

Let's consider the DVD movie. Pick your favorite for the example, only the concept is important. When you watch a movie on DVD, you see actors, sets, scenes, plotlines, etc... All of these pieces flow in unity to form the movie. Imagine that you are simply an actor in the movie on the DVD. You cannot change the flow of the movie because your perspective is limited to the NOW in the movie timeline. You, as the actor, are the one being watched as you perform your lines and deliver your performances. You have a given role, a chosen role in the movie and you play it to your best ability. You cannot change the timeline of the film, only exist within it.

This is our current incarnation. We are the actors in a great big movie. We are on the DVD. We do not have the remote control and most of us do not care to ask why. We live in the NOW moment as the DVD timeline, the movie timeline, slowly and persistently progresses. And, as actors, we are unaware of the future ahead in the DVD so we assume it does not exist. Try explaining that to the director, who knows how it all works together long before the movie is made.

So, if we are the actors, then someone must be watching the movie. Let's just assume that this is a blockbuster of a film and the DVD has sold trillions. Our little movie is the tale of our entire existence. Everything we can imagine we know about everything is in this movie and stored for viewing on DVD.

Please imagine yourself in a position to watch this DVD. You are given the remote control and the menu is onscreen. You have many options. You can play the movie straight through, you can skip to specific scenes in the film, you can listen to director's notes, you can watch the behind the scenes, and the list goes on. I would like to focus on the scene skipping ability.

Remember, you have been granted a once in a lifetime chance to view the DVD that is mankind's entire existence. You are in the movie yourself, in many roles. You have been handed a remote and are allowed to skip from scene to scene. The DVD timeline is the timeline of this existence and mankind's experiences. You become the master of the NOW. You can view any NOW you choose. Any time you choose. Thus, you are able to perceive your existence beyond the controls of time, as the master of time itself. You can understand that there were specific reasons for many of your roles. If fact, you begin to see that everyone has lived just as everyone else over the course of the movie. Each actor playing every character at some point in the film. You also notice that time only existed when you were one of the actors. Now that you are holding the remote, you are able to see any part of the movie at any "time" in the film. And all of this can be done at your leisure. The actors and the DVD are not going anywhere.

Of course, we are only actors in the NOW and must imagine that such things can exist. I can only conceptualize my place and wonder about what is to come.

Parenting...

2005-09-27T10:25:00.000-07:00

Learning things is always a joy. There is another joy that comes from accumulating knowledge. This pleasure explodes out of connected dots and the picture you now see as whole. Triteness aside, this is the reveal moment in the film. This is when you realize that Bruce Willis is dead in The Sixth Sense. This is that feeling of WOW when you finally understand The Matrix. Here's a picture of Parents.

My Mother did a fantastic job. (pause for Mom to collect herself)

Here's what I mean. Something inside me at a young age, adults call it curiosity, drove me to learn things on my own. I was not overtly adventurous, but would try things, especially when I was told not to. Yes, this is the most common characteristic of every child. All the parents are in agreement, their kids are little explorers too. If you think about kids, you think about uncensored desire to explore your world. You think about the joy of discovery, your first swim, your first ice cream, your first whatever. You remember happy, do you not?

Well, I was no different then. I was just like every other kid that comes here, hungry for knowledge and thirsty for discovery. So when I say that my Mom did a fantastic job, I am reveling in her allowance of freedom. My freedom. She recognized, without instruction, that a child will only learn through experience. Sometimes she did this out of blissful, childlike impulse and sometimes she was just distracted. Either way, I was the type of kid that needed to learn on his own. Not alone, but through experience.

I was rarely good at taking someone's word for something. If the concept seemed illogical or too unbelievable, I would save my opinion until I had more information with which to analyze. This attitude was fostered by my Mother because she was on a journey of learning for herself as well. She was watching and learning how to be a mother. She learned early on that sacrifice would be made if her children could benefit. Even if the benefit would not be seen for years to come. She also learned that to block the path of the locomotive, that all children are from birth, would not be tolerated. Even if that person blocking was their Dad. Thanks Mom for the freedom to explore on my own, I am much wiser and stronger today because of it.

Now, please know that I am not judging my Father negatively. I am merely expressing some opinions, long overdue opinions. My Father was just as brilliant a Man as a Dad should be. He provided for us and gave up his person for us to be successful in life. Along this journey of his, he learned many things about life, people, family, suffering, and protection. He saw all, and believe me when I say ALL, the worldly pitfalls that awaited his first born son. This changed him to protect mode. Completely understandable and even expected.

So I have a gigantic thanks for my Dad, who had sense enough to at least keep us alive, out of jail, and fighting long enough to realize just how much he had helped us. We can now appreciate the sacrifices and sometimes overly protective attitudes. I can appreciate this. After all, my Dad is on a journey of learning just like me...and you.

My Dad gave us real world knowledge and we just didn't quite grasp that when we were young. You see, we wanted to be free to learn, especially me. I was never going to take his word as complete truth and I think this threatened him. At least to the extent that he had already lived some of the things we going through. The problem was, I could not accept "his" experience as enough for me to know something. I needed to experience them for myself and then I could either agree with my Father or not. After all, this is an individual journey with experiences only the individual can comprehend.

With all this growing inside my head, I have begun to notice that certain people are at much different places on the journey of self enlightenment. These people may be much older physically, but they are still a child in their soul. My parents may be older than me, but they truly are not. Ask either one if they believe that I was born an old man. I already know their answer.

So thanks to my parents. They offered a unique balance of freedom and discipline. Balance. Thank you. Knowing you in this way, seeing you like this, helps me understand love as a factor of knowledge. It helps me to see your souls and that is where the light resides.

Please give kids a chance. They are only as smart as their parents allow them to be.

Ciao from the coconut...

metaphor...

2005-09-25T14:40:00.000-07:00

...a figure of speech in which one thing is spoken of as if it were another.

True News

2005-09-22T12:32:00.000-07:00

Tired of the mainstream media propaganda machine? Tired of all the nonsense and lies being reported?

Check out this site for news with a much broader perspective. It is information, that is all.

http://signs-of-the-times.org/signs/signs.htm

Choices...

2005-09-22T11:54:00.000-07:00

Be advised that everyone has made their choices. Whether they are aware of those choices is not the issue. You have all chosen every aspect of your life, whether through wise decision making or by relinquishing your choices to others. If you are suffering, you have chosen to do so. Otherwise, you would choose to learn remedies for your suffering and eliminate them. They serve no purpose other than suffering. It is truly that easy.

Following the "safe" route will lead you to the slaughter house. If you end up there, smile because you have chosen this fate. Breaking off from the herd can provide some much needed enlightenment. It is hard to do though. Outside the protection of the masses, vulnerability becomes obvious and threats become real. The knowledge of the road ahead causes great mental anguish, until... Until you have that moment when...

There is a moment in the journey when everything becomes clear. The mind finally grasps the concepts and realizes that all is not lost because all is just lessons. No one is truly going to "die", ever. Some may suffer, but they will learn from this and hopefully next time through they will enjoy lessons with much less pain. This is their choice, always your choice.

So, as things begin to unfold, please do not allow fear to blind you to the truth. If only you could all know and all believe that death is a myth, perpetrated to keep fear at a maximum. Of course, this fear of death also encourages learning. As you can see, the balance of dark and light, bad and good, is the only similar thread woven into our existence. Everything is bad and good at the same time. Destruction leads to creation and creation eventually leads to destruction. The yin yang of our three dimensional reality. Once you see this, you will be set free. You will no longer see evil or miraculous events. You will only see that which truly is.

Ponder this... for it will be a helpful concept in the near future. Acceptance of this one truth will allow your mind to see all, rather than just that which the wizard wants you to see.

ciao from the coconut...

Surfing Advice...

2005-09-19T17:49:00.000-07:00

I would like to share some advice given to me when I was about 11 years old. It was a warm and sunny morning on the sands of Huntington Beach. I was a junior lifeguard and my instructor was explaining the surfline, how to get through it safely, and what to do once you got out in the lineup. It was pretty frightening at that young age, but we got over that groundless fear quickly. One wave ridden successfully generated enough excitement to drive me for the rest of my life.

The most important part of the instruction occurred out in the lineup. The day was glassy and the sets were consistent southern hemi. My instructor watched me turn to paddle for the first wave in the set. He grabbed me and stopped me from going, for good reason. As we glided over the first set wave, I saw WHY we were waiting and paddling frantically. You see, the set of waves was 10 deep. There were 9 waves, each one bigger, all bearing down on us. We paddled over wave after wave until finally dropping in on number 6 or 7.

As we returned to the lineup we were pounded by the next 3 waves. We did make it back out and were thrilled to see the next set come through. As we sat and watched, my instructor pointed out that the guy who caught the first wave was still paddling back out. He had a good ride, but he got hammered by 9 consecutive waves. He was exhausted by the time he returned to the lineup and that was when the next set was pouring in.

We continued this session for a few hours and always waited for the last few waves of the set. This made it that much easier to enjoy ourselves and not be worn out by the big waves and long paddles. So what can this teach us about the present day?

Well, Katrina was the first wave of the set. Crowded wave too... I am sitting outside waiting for the wave that is coming to me. I am saving myself for all the waves that are going to pound everyone else, stuck on the inside after jumping the first wave that came along.

My advice is to not wear yourself out on the very first ride of the session. It is a consistent day and the sets will continue to pour through. So save some energy for the next few Katrinastrophes to come. There will be more and they will grow in size as each consecutive one pounds ashore. There is no stopping their progress so try and enjoy the ride. As for me, I have a great vantage point and I am waiting for the big one.

Oak Tree

2005-09-12T19:01:00.000-07:00

Let's discuss the oak tree. I have found this to be a wonderful example of existence. A painting with words, produced for the minds eye.

At the beginning we can think of our soul as a seed. The seed has ingrained genetic memories that drive the production of roots and sprout, if the appropriate environmental conditions exist. Once this process begins, we can begin our metaphorical journey.

As the genetic memories of atomic structure and energy conversion drive the seed to grow it's roots and sprout, life emerges. The sprout struggles to break the hold of the earth and the darkness into which it was born. As it does this, it steadily ventures deeper into the darkness with precision and desire. The path of the root is one of darkness, searching for a foundation for the seedling's climb toward the light of the sun. These tentacles radiate out in an ever expanding half sphere, searching vigilantly for more support, more nourishment, and more understanding.

When the sprout finally breaks free of the dirt, the definition of the tree begins to form. We can see the infant branches twisting upward and the gentle stalk taking shape. The stalk is where we will focus, for this is our conscious soul. The trunk of the tree is the memory keeper, the energy conduit between the light and the dark. It exists simultaneously in light and darkness. This is where we reside as our conscious selves. In other words, you are the trunk and you are where you are right now because you are still growing.

Now, remembering that our conscious soul is the trunk, let's add some eyes to the midpoint of the trunk and assume they rotate 360 degrees. As a baby tree our view of the world would limited to the constraints of three dimensional existence. We could only see so far in any direction and therefore would not know of that which existed outside of this viewpoint. We would create memories of our existence in the form of tree rings, building them out from the inside. We would not see our roots, for they are hidden in the darkness. We would have a perception of something strong enabling us to remain a tree on the earth, but may not "know" that they are roots, constantly growing into the darkness the further toward the light we reach. Yet they still exist and serve a magnificent function. A tree cannot exist without it's roots, plumbing into the depths of the unknown below.

While all of this is going on underground, out of sight, the trunk and branches are making their move toward the heavens. The branches reach and reach in a mirror of the roots below. All of this growth occurs while we, the trunk, steadily increase our field of view and our memory. Soon we cannot see the branches in the sky, yet we still have the perception of them. There must be something up there sending down all this sustenance, as it is also coming from below.

As the tree matures and it's understanding improves, branches begin to grow down toward the earth as root occasionally pierces soil into the light. The forming of the sphere of light and dark is progressing. Foundations into the dark realm where knowledge is the nourishment while the trunk strives toward the light with it's arms and fingers. The field of view expanded exponentially as our soul begins to comprehend the diversity of existence all around it. We are the expanding and adapting tree trunk of this great oak.

As the tides of season force yearly death and rebirth, we as the tree experience many lifetimes. Each spring being reborn from death. Thus is the cycle of our soul's existence. We will always be the tree as we will die and are reborn many times along our journey into the light. And just as the tree does not fear winter, but sheds it's armor in triumph, so must we understand that in order to progress we must be willing to shed our armor's. We must be willing to accept our destined physical death as proudly as the tree, with complete understanding that this death equates to a new existence as a much larger entity.

The key point is that without the roots plumbing into the darkness, away from the path of light, there could be no trunk and branch to strive for the light. You must have a foundation of darkness in order to progress on your spiritual journey upwards. You must embrace the dark side of your soul as you would the light side. You must see the benefits of the darkness and the unseen. You must revel in the dirt to appreciate being clean. You must exist in hell to even contemplate a heaven.

Just as the yin yang swirls constantly, so does our adventure of growth and expansion. If you picture carefully the yin yang symbol, you will notice it resembles our metaphorical oak tree, as a balance of dark and light. Learning is why we are here.

ciao from the coconut....

That Sums it up Perfectly...

2005-09-12T10:59:00.000-07:00

when considering me
dare i wonder aloud
what about history
and the time in a cloud

My past is of the roots
connections front to back
into veins and shoots
and support for my track

my future is leaf lined
with branches extending
so far up eyes are blind
to the magic they're rending

sides i consist of two
parts raised in dichotomy
developing life anew
in searching for identity

branches down to roots growing
connected into symphony
my current place is knowing
i'm the trunk of this here tree

Blueprints...

2005-09-10T15:29:00.000-07:00

I understand that life is difficult at times and easy at times. I have lived enough in this body to know of pleasure and pain. I can interpret pain to the degrees of which it is made and do the same for pleasure. I know, for example, that speeding on the freeway has fewer consequences than firing a gun into a crowd. This is what I mean by degrees.

Some things are obviously more pain causing or pleasure creating than others of the same description. You may feel the pain of torn muscular tissue after lifting weights. This pain is almost a pleasure because your mind realizes that the result of the healing is a stronger, more pleasurable muscle. Hence, you enjoy a pain because of the reward of pleasure. You possess strong muscles, which can get you many things if you take time to ponder the benefits. Protection of this delivery of pleasure is demonstrated by the continual weight lifting...The continual creation of pain so that pleasure may follow.

When you feel hungry for food, you are experiencing a pain that your mind knows can be turned into pleasure if you eat. So, you eat and fill your body with pleasure, reinforcing the connection between the pain of hunger and the pleasure of satiation. One can be very protective of food and drink. In some cases, all morality may be removed in the acquisition of food and drink. This is a possessive action.

When you desire sex, you are sensing a pain that the mind is taught to release in exchange for pleasure. When you release the pain you are achieving a pleasure and are doing so by releasing your pain into or onto a partner. You cannot deny the pun, so I recognize and rejoice in it. You are using another human to nullify a pain and replace it with a pleasure. This is where we find the possession that characterizes our societal structures across the globe. This original possessive attachment is the basis for all family structure, thus teaching the benefits of possession to the offspring. The child is taught that love equates to protection of possessions. Whether they be family members, a car, a house, a girlfriend, or a pet.

Protection is the next logical step in the ego driven brain of most people. The giver of pleasure must be protected from any outside interference so as to keep the pleasure source for oneself. This happens in every way ever talked about. Even the happiest of relationships are laced with "give and take" in order to remain stable. The word choice speaks for itself..."give and take". Regardless of how you choose to define those two words, someone is giving and taking. Therefore, protection of the outlet for these gives and takes is of much importance. One must protect a possession of this importance from those who would try to take it away...even in the case of death.

The family is a derivative of this sexually based pleasure protection. We are driven to protect the offspring of such a vital pleasure source because they, the children, have become the new possession. They are now the source of the pleasure and therefore must be protected at all cost. The loss of such a possession becomes the most terrifying prospect and the protector becomes that much more blind and determined. Hmmm... Blind determination. That sounds oxymoronic and futile. The protection of this possession is most evident in death.

When someone dies, especially a relative, we stand in the face of God and denounce his creation because our source of pleasure is removed from us. We gather all of our childlike understandings and begin to spout blame and cause and loss and suffering. Please understand that YOU are feeling these things because you are the one who placed so much importance in something so fleeting. YOU are the one suffering because you have lost something that never belonged to you. YOU are the individual feeling this anger, sadness, pity, empathy, and remorse. YOU are the one begging for just one more "fix" of the drug that was so violently ripped from your protective grasp. YOU!!! You are demanding this removal be changed in the name of GOD. Would you really demand that God change?

The dead guy is experiencing ecstasy unknown to living man, looking back and cheering at the brilliance of the escape, and rejoicing with all the others that have escaped. Those left alive are the ones suffering because they feel cheated. They have been stolen from and the criminal is invisible, never to be found. The ones left alive are the ones in pain because the addiction to the drug of that person has been left in full force, while the drug has been removed from physical existence. Withdrawal symptoms are the same whether a drug or death. This is due to "POSSESSION"!!

I am trying to make a point about love and death by describing the simple truths we fail to recognize. We over analyze something so simple and end up lost in confusion. The ONLY reason you feel LOSS is because you originally felt "OWNERSHIP". The cliche holds true...How can you lose that which you never had? Think about it.

So the lessons begin with death. This is the most pervasive underlying subject of the material I am going to try to communicate. It is a wonderful foundation step and will be explored to great extent. Death is not the end!!

-----

I am trying to help you understand that everything we "feel" is laced with possession. This includes love. Until your mind can understand the difference between possession and love, you will remain addicted and will be unable to progress.

Bridges

2005-09-08T11:46:00.000-07:00

We can imagine a myriad of different symbolistic meanings for the bridge. Insert your own here___________.

Now focus on the following:

Sometimes you must burn a bridge in order to erect a new one. Whether it be stronger or more ornate or simply has more connections, the bridge that replaces the burned structure is purposefully built with all knowledge from it's original construction and all knowledge acquired since. Thus, the weaker connection is strengthened though a process of creation, destruction, and learning. We learn lessons from the destruction and apply them to the new project. Well, it is time to rebuild some of my bridges and the project requires space. So here go a few a fires...

The love I feel for my family, all of you, is a combination of scientific and ethereal beliefs that make up the core of my soul. This is not a 35 year relationship we have...it is eternal. You simply cannot see that truth or you choose to deny it. I do not require anything resembling the possessive love that is demonstrated by some of my family members. You hopefully can accept this and try to learn.

My mother will read this, as she does all things I write, and only hear the voice of the son that she so misses. She will hear nothing of the true content and only search for the pleasure of her own success. I am not your life nor am I the reason for you to feel success. You need to find the reasons to be happy inside yourself...as I have repeatedly asked of you.

I am alone for good reason. The love that is "given" to me comes with a price tag. In return for this "love/possession", I am expected to repay you with my presence. Wrong concept. If you love me than leave me alone. Until you finally learn...until you can read and understand the things I am trying to communicate. We are here as individuals to learn the lessons we need in order to progress. This intermixing of true love and simple possession must be overcome. I am lucky that I make such good company for myself and I am hoping that those in my family who are reading this will finally begin to see. If not, things could be very disturbing in the coming years, when in truth, they actually can be quite the opposite. You guys know that I am not kidding.

I pray everyday that at least some of you will wake up. I cannot choose for you, just like you cannot choose for me. I just pray that you will choose to listen and not just hear what you've been "programmed" to hear.

Otherwise, family reunion is scheduled for after death.

Ciao from the coconut...

me

2005-09-06T18:23:00.000-07:00

i can run like the horse
i can fly like the raven
i can swim like the dolphin
i can hunt like the wolf
i can protect like the lion
i can remember like the elephant...

i can create like the bee
i can participate like the ant
i can morph like the moth
i can eat waste like the fly
i can sting like the scorpion
i can spin webs like the spider...

i can sprout roots like the tree
i can grow blooms like the rose
i can make seeds like the apple
i can be sweet like the peach
i can be ugly like the weed
i can be sour like the lemon...

i can be stationary like the rock
i can be flowing like the water
i can be cold like the ice
i can be explosive like the fire
i can be invisible like the air
i can be kind like the sun...

i can be small like the atom
i can be elusive like the tachyon
i can be bright like the photon
i can be energizing like the electron
i can be mediator like the neutron
i can be uplifting like the proton...

i can be all of these things
as i become the true me
that screams for attention
from the powers that be
and i can only imagine
the true wonders i'll see
as time turns and springs...

Nothing to see here...

2005-09-06T15:16:00.000-07:00

Ever had a dream that seemed so much like a dream that you actually awake yourself from the dream completely aware of everything that had transpired in the dream?

In other words, have you ever had a "vision" dream in which you are shown things you will never forget? I believe we have all experienced at least a few of these dreams. Dreams that are like movies we've seen a 100 times. You know all the lines and every scene. You remember the music from the film and all the moments that rang true. Ever have one of those dreams?

I have these types of dreams regularly. Just about every few days and sometimes for days in a row. Even during short naps in the afternoon, I have vivid dreams. I have recently shared one of these dreams with a few members of my family and everyone else who was listening. You who know...know what I mean. Now is not the time to explain this further.

Anyway, I have been reviewing this dream in particular because the subject matter was timely and highly accurate. A conundrum to say the least. Well, it has become clear to me, based on this experience and the experiences of today, that I am on the right path.

If a time comes when we are asked to relinquish our free will in order that we survive, we surely must deny the requester this pleasure. We will not be given anything of value from those that wish to control us. We can only evolve by fighting for our free will. We can only evolve by learning that we are prisoners on death row, slated for execution. The governor will not be calling. Help will be given to those who help themselves. This is the way of the universe...our school.

I have found that the most frightening thing in life is death. It is the ultimate "losing" of everything you value. In fact, we are taught that the absolute worst thing in life is death. We do everything in our power, everyday, to ensure that we do not die. We pray to God for this and we are grateful when we find ourselves alive after sleep. We eat and breathe so we do not die. We reproduce so that when we eventually do die, we can have a legacy of ourselves to live on after death. Death is inevitable, yes, but not the end.

Ask yourself if you are truly sad that someone you know is dead? Or are you being selfish in having lost something important to "your" happiness. The death of another has nothing to do with us. It is a purely individual experience, just like your life has been for you. Why would it be any different??? Death is for the individual and the one emotion we should be feeling is jealousy. We should be jealous of the gift they have received. This is a very dramatic and diametrical argument, yet it is necessary.

Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you miss the dead relative, child, or friend. Then be honest with the face in the mirror. Do you not feel the tingle of "possession" and "ownership" throughout all your emotions surrounding this death? If you do, try to turn them off. Begin to see how you have been manipulated into responding emotionally to the loss of one of your possessions. Just try to look...you will find what you are looking for. If, however, you cannot feel the possessive tendencies surrounding death and mourning, you will find this concept absurd and possibly inflammatory. That is your choice, for you will always find what you are "looking" for!

So, if death is truly the greatest obstacle, how do you threaten someone who has crossed the line and returned? Returned with a realization...death is not the end.

(Think of it like taking a summer break from school. If you have finished all your lessons and learned what you needed to, you can leave on vacation and progress to the next level of school. Otherwise you may have to return to the same school to finish learning all that is necessary to move forward. Regardless of the specific outcome, you return from vacation no matter what. And since death is this vacation from school, if you die, you are going on vacation. School is by no means cancelled nor are you finished. You "WILL" be back to learn. Sound familiar?? We live this mirrored existence everyday. The true lesson is the knowledge of the formula...not the outcomes.)

So, how do you threaten death upon someone that sees the truth? You do not! One simply cannot be threatened anymore. The definition of the word "threatened" does not allow for it. And due to this wonderful knowledge, I no longer accept the common definition of death. I may still be a prisoner, but I can leave anytime I choose. These are the "ruby slippers". The choice to remain has definite advantages in the infinite cycle of learning, so I choose to remain and learn. The time will come when I will have learned enough here and then I will gladly click my heels and say, "there's no place like home..."!!

ciao from the coconut...

Gray Matters Most...

2005-09-02T21:43:00.000-07:00

Did it ever occur to anyone that we have a ton of brain left over not being utilized? The rumor is we only use 10% of our gray matter. Now, all science aside, what is the rest for?

What if our brains contained 90% more information than we were aware existed? What if this was the great repository of knowledge? All knowledge past, present, and future. What if we just had to look inside our own minds for the information we needed? Sort of like a giant hard drive, pre-loaded with programs, software, and information, that we cannot access until we learn how.

If this is the case, we simply have to teach ourselves to hack into that information storage and begin to bring that ancient knowledge to the frontal cortex for processing. This is our escape plan!

Exercise your brain, it's your greatest weapon.

http://www.cassiopaea.org/cass/waveindex.htm

tick tock...

2005-08-30T16:22:00.000-07:00

And the pendulum gains momentum as the sphere races back toward balance...

Exciting, isn't it!! So much more fun to come.

Memory Branches

2005-08-27T19:12:00.000-07:00

I have been spending much time contemplating new ideas... at least new to me... trying to find a system of organization to incorporate these new ideals into my already overflowing brain. In conversations with my mother, I have spoken of looping information and wheels of synchronicities in my life and our human life. So much is hidden for us to discover.

I began with a journey into my memories. I endured countless hours of trying to piece together every memory from early childhood until now, into a chronological and synchronous mental graph. Picture a blooming rose and notice how each petal forms a loop out from the stem and then back in. These loops continue to expand as the flower grows, the outside petals becoming larger and sturdier as time passes. Each of these looping petals is simultaneously an individual and the entire flower. This is the picture that began to form as the mental image of my memories was developed.

I soon realized that the flower was but one among many on the plant, sharing space with leaf, thorn, and root. I had formed my current lifetime of memories and knowledge into but a single rose on the much larger rose bush. How could I determine what memories and knowledge had allowed me to find a single rose in the first place? Should I not find that I truly do consist of many branches, many leaves, solid roots, and multiple blooms? Of what do these hidden parts of me consist? I still search for answers to these questions. This is the hegira.

So, all my knowledge and memories wrapped up neatly in a single rose. The symbolism running rampant...reproduction, rebirth, growth, expansion, beauty, sensate, pain, hunger, death. Add your own if you choose. The list truly is endless. I was only able to find this simple image of a flower because I was first able to draw the mental lines connecting minute veins and cells. Each of these components acting as the strands of my neurons, branching and connecting in a systematic orgy of knowledge formation. When I finally connected all the dots, I was rewarded with a rose. And up to this point progress was difficult if not rushed.

So now I have realized that I may know much about this lifetime, but I am consciously unaware of the roots, stem, leaves, and thorns that are the complete me. Not to mention all the other roses... This is a curious quest, for there truly are no complete answers. Every magnificent answer generates a more magnificent set of questions. It becomes clear that it is a loop, an ever expanding circle in which knowledge is created by developing answers to questions which in turn creates new questions for us to attempt to answer.

To make things more interesting, the information needed to begin to understand one's true complete being is not available in a source like college or even a section in a bookstore. The information is spread throughout all books, all songs, all stories, all films, all sciences, all mysticisms, all religions, and all recorded history. Spread in such a manner that it resembles a mixed up rubic's cube. Not only that, but the information is interlaced amongst rhetoric designed to obfuscate and mislead. When you begin to find the patterns of truth and lie, you begin to notice that everything true and everything a lie is hidden in symbology and metaphor. It is like a year round grammar class that continuously tightens its spiral of detail and concept.

So here I am, lost in an ocean of symbols, metaphor, and imagination. I am realizing that I have spent 35 years learning the wrong things, learning how to survive only in this lifetime when there are so many more lifetimes to go. At least I had this realization in time to remedy the circumstance. All is lessons and I am finally learning.

11

2005-08-16T23:16:00.000-07:00

if last not prime
but one not zero
check next in line
to play the hero
if last is nine
look up for clue
quick this time
it answers you
"i may be many
but made of few
i am destiny
for some of you"

Self Censorship

2005-08-16T01:39:00.000-07:00

I have chosen to remove a few posts from my blog. This was done after a realization as to the true source of the negativity. Now that I "know", I can choose wisely.

I learned a lesson. Yay!

-----

Sidenote: I once again must encourage anyone reading this to follow Alice down the rabbit hole. Find the White Rabbit at http://www.cassiopaea.org/cass/waveindex.htm

One could begin a journey if one chooses!

Think Carefully...

2005-08-11T21:19:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered "who" the voice was in your head when you talk to yourself? I realize it sounds like you and always seems to be there whenever needed. In fact you are reading with this voice right now. But who answers the questions you ask yourself?

The old notion of the angel and the devil, one in each ear, is appropriate. Who do we listen to? Well, the old notion suggests that there are voices in our heads we do not own, otherwise how could we receive an answer to the question. "Should I or Shouldn't I?"

The reference to good and evil is difficult to ignore. Two separate voices in tandem with your own. I am only suggesting that when we ask ourselves for direction, we get mixed signals, like competing sides fighting for victory. "Do I or Don't I?"

One could surmise that it is only perceived to be different voices because the intentions of each are so opposite. Since they argue, they are separate. Since they struggle, they are separate. But, why are the intentions so different? I believe the huge difference in intentions, at the root of their argument, indicates they are other voices communing with us and offering solutions to problems. It is our choice as free will beings to decide which path to follow in solving our problems. We can listen to the side that asks us to be stressful, jealous, angry, greedy, and deceitful or we can listen to the side that says there is something more than all those things. One side presents limited choices while the other presents infinite options. It is simply a matter of choosing. This choice pattern does eventually lead to a result that curiously mirrors many myths about existence after death. Does one choose the path of light or that of darkness? "Will I or Won't I?"

Listen for the responses received in your mind when you next ponder an idea. Listen and think carefully...Is that you answering back?

Different Now

2005-08-09T11:46:00.000-07:00

I still desire, but it's different now. I still hunger, but it's different now. I still lust, but it's different now. I want more than ever, but it's different now. I still love, but it's different now.

I crave unadulterated, overflowing, chocolate covered, raspberry filled, mountains of yummyness called knowledge. Moaning, groaning, orgasmic amounts of knowledge. Running red lights, speeding through traffic, adrenaline filled knowledge. Pull the curtain back and confront the wizard knowledge. "Johnny 5 alive...need input!"

All is Lessons. Are you ready to begin for real?

Time to Wake Up...

2005-08-08T15:45:00.000-07:00

I have been absent from my blog for a reason. I have been deeply involved in research for answers to some basic questions. Such as, what is consciousness and why do we exist. This is highly time consuming and rewarding beyond imagination.

For approximately a year now I have heard a repeating message... "It is only small on the outside". I am slowly beginning to understand that the "it" is my mind. The "small" is how I used to perceive it. And through experience I have found that inside the mind is infinite. So I have begun to comprehend the limitless opportunity for exploration and learning.

I feel compelled to share some worthwhile information with anyone who chooses to listen. All of my searching has led me to a valuable source of information and thought provoking concepts. How you embrace this information is your choice, as are all things. I also must admit that the digestion of the material by the mind is physically draining and psychologically difficult. Well worth it though! Mind Blowing!

Take the "RED" pill @ http://www.cassiopaea.org/cass/waveindex.htm

The "Note to New Readers" link in the left column is helpful background information about the website.

Picking Up...

2005-06-06T19:34:00.000-07:00

...Speed. We are accelerating and I wonder how many are prepared. I know I am! As I have mentioned before, the time ahead of us is perplexing in nature. I have seen most of it and still struggle to accept the truth.

Freedom for those who can see through the veil, while the rest will remain blinded for another turn through third grade. I am not a student that gets held back. When the time comes for final exams, I will be a good study partner.

I have rejoined my wolfpack as the alpha and we are prepared to survive. Picking up Speed!

What should one do with horse magic and a wolfpack? I know what I am asked to do, but I need to find my own reason to do it. Free Will at it again!

Summer Came Early

2005-05-21T21:54:00.000-07:00

We here in Southern Cal like to skip from winter right to summer. Why not! Spring is just what we do...right to summer. So I have been hard at work everyday...working on my tan and surfing. Sucks to be me. An unemployed writer living in heaven and looking for greener grass! My pasture is honey coated and smells of cocoa butter. Yummy!

Temps are already up into the 80's and the water is warming up like clockwork. Funny how quickly one can forget nearly 40 inches of rain...some kinda record for us. Waves have been great and keeping me busy. Thus the lack of me here...at the computer.

Anyway, the full moon makes this stretch of coastline glisten like a sapphire swimming in champange. Just thought you would like to know that. I am off to bask in that full moon and listen for my wolfpack.

Note to the Family...

2005-05-10T13:51:00.000-07:00

If you so choose to...Please disregard the July things I have mentioned to you. Just a misunderstood and misinterpreted message. I was not accurate in my thinking and analysis. I was not myself then and now understand why.

Keep your eyes open to the truth and think before you choose what is offered...By me or anyone else. It is your decision to make and the facts we have been given in order to make decisions are skewed. Nuff said!

Ciao from the coconut...

Coma Boy

2005-05-09T15:15:00.000-07:00

I would like to share a story of a young boy I happened across in life. I met him at a very young age and have spent much of my life as his friend. Our lives have shared many parallels and in order to protect his privacy, I have changed the names involved. So without further banter...

Bob was a normal baby as far his parents could tell. He came out with all five fingers and all five toes, a pretty good start in life, I would say. His parents were new to the baby game and doting. They listened to all the advice given and made many choices out of instinct. They gave him a warm place to live and grow.

Bob spent much of his childhood standing back and observing the world around him. He wanted to know how things worked, so he could participate in the wonderful and exciting world of experiences. He learned from his elders how life worked, how people grew up, how to learn to talk, walk, and everything else that comes along with being human. He was educated in schools and instructed in the ways of mankind. He learned the History, the Science, and the Religion of his home. He was taught to believe and to have faith. He was taught the difference between good and evil.

School came and went as Bob grew up into what everyone always predicted he'd become. He could stand tall with his shoulders wide and command attention from those below him. He achieved success in life and found it easy to find mates, however temporary. During these growing years and the years following the transformation of Bob from boy to man, we spent much time talking and discussing the ways in which we could better understand this system we inhabit. Bob and I were of the same volition to somehow achieve the goals we set. The goals everyone had set.

We saw how easily the system could be manipulated to our ends and desires. Yeah, we had to work for this stuff, but nowhere near as hard as most. When we recognized the appearance of the loophole in the system, we were the first to jump at it. This usually resulted in success. Our business and personal goals were being achieved constantly, in an ongoing sense of bliss.

Of course there were always the miseries that seemed to interlace themselves within our joy. They were taking our joy from us, these miseries. Faced with this problem, we fought more diligently to renew the sense of bliss we received from achieving our physical goals. We kept learning about this system to further our joy. All these things were the things one was supposed to do in life. Everyone knew that! Get more, more more.

Well, Bob and I had a major falling out recently. There were new choices presented about future events and the path of mankind in general. We could not agree on the significance of anything we would discuss. We would end up arguing about which side was correct and why. We were being guided by our independent thinking systems for the first time. This left open the possibility that we would not agree on any topic again. Decision time.

I saw something that Bob refused to acknowledge. In fact, Bob interpreted it completely different. This was a life choice and it seemed that a split was needed.

Well that split occurred when Bob died.

Bob died, when he was 18 months old, in a backyard swimming pool. His Father had pulled his lifeless body from the pool and did everything he knew to bring life back into his child. At the hospital the Doctor's said they could not promise a recovery and Bob fell into a deep coma. He was left on the life support machines as he grew from child to adult. He is there now. For you see, he is me.

Everything I know has been told to me during an unending dream within my own mind. I was not given a chance to know any different. Dying at such a young age. I followed all the guides that ever presented themselves, even though it was all really up to me. It is my mind we are talking about here! The "truths" that I followed, were just as imaginary as the world I was inhabiting. Only now is that obvious and I am still enjoying the ride of learning. I believe I have found a loophole that will allow me to escape this coma and truly live. That loophole is acceptance of the prison. I have found the tools of escape and am beginning to apply them. The loophole is knowledge!

I am going to give those doctor's a great big surprise. Some will not believe while others will simply say, I knew it. When I do wake up, things will be different. This I have already seen. Now I need to learn how to get from here to there. Everything is a lesson!! Escape is your choice! As it is mine!

Field of Vision

2005-05-05T20:54:00.000-07:00

Ever stop or even slow down enough to consider your field of vision? I have stopped and I just think now. I have a concept to share about a field of vision and how it relates to consciousness and the nonexistence of time.

This concept may save you from the thought maze I've traversed to unravel it, but it will create a thought maze, double it's original size, in which to further the understanding. The end of this next maze results in a doubled new maze to traverse. Thus is the quest for knowledge. Each new bit of information is added to the whole to better understand the next level of bits as they present themselves. This is true of consciousness and it is the truth of the system we inhabit.

So, I can take you to the end of one maze, which is the beginning of yet another maze. I have found a path through the first one for us all and now we can all stand at the door of the new maze, ready to explore and learn. I can only show you the door, however. The final choice is yours to make. (Thanks Matrix)

Let's begin with the statement the "Time does not exist". All is always and there is no now or then. Think of the gambler at the track metaphor. Our gambler has vast knowledge of all possible outcomes of the horse race, including the knowledge that no matter how many factors are changed during the race, there is a set of outcomes that already exist. Otherwise how could he place a wager?

Now consider the same horse race from the rider's perspective. Countless are the things that may transpire between here and there. Heart attack, horse explodes, rider kills horse, horse loses rider, ground turns to liquid...you get the point. Even if all these unimaginable things occur "during" the race, the set of outcomes that existed prior to the race is fixed. All the outcomes exist at the same moment, always. It is the act of choice that defines it.

(pause...breathe)

So if the choice sets the outcome, then how could our rider be choosing to have the ground change to liquid? Linear thinking says that the rider obviously couldn't predict nor control the ground turning to liquid. Therefore he must have been forced into the situation by some higher power. Something beyond his control.

Try and think non-linear for while, for it is highly important in conceptualizing this stuff, in understanding it. The rider did choose to pursue a horse racing career and he did choose to participate in the race. He simply had no knowledge of the liquefying ground prior to his experiencing it. The fact still remains that this occurrence of liquefying ground always existed as an option, it was simply not known to the rider. The key here is the knowledge gained and the mental back tracking done in order to find the choice made and determine it's effectiveness. The rider cannot deny that the event exists, no matter how unbelievable it may seem. It's existence translates into always having been an option, which further translates into always being. Therefore, if all options and outcomes exist always, known or unknown, time does not exist. It is only perceived by us, created by us.

(whew)

Now consider the question of what is consciousness. We can all relate to the tactile world we inhabit so here is a metaphor that I have used to understand. When you are awake you are aware of your consciousness. You see things and breathe and the like. When you get in bed to sleep, you are aware of the bed until you fall asleep. Then your awareness of the bed goes away, but the bed does not. Your awareness of your breathing goes away, but the breathing continues. Your awareness of time in dreamland is nonexistent or skewed, even though it does not stop in the waking world. This is a key.

While asleep, are you really "unconscious"? Or are you simply continuing to exist in a state where tactile sense and physicality are unnecessary? Well, if you are awake reading this then you obviously didn't die in your sleep, so while you were sleeping, you obviously were conscious. Just conscious of an alternate reality that exists as this one does. Dreaming is simply an adventure in the consciousness of all that is. It is a state of existence that we are instructed to ignore and most do. It exists and that we cannot deny. Just as the rider cannot deny the liquefying ground after experiencing it.

We can say that if it exists, then it is obviously an available option from which to choose. Therefore, if time does not exist in dreamland, then it is a possible choice and outcome that time does not exist at all. Following this?!

To put some perspective in play, imagine that your face is a searchlight. Everywhere your field of vision takes you, a stream of light is emitted. As your vision travels around, the light illuminates a portion of your surroundings. As you complete your visual journey over each item surrounding you, you form a memory of those things. Even though you may be focusing on the television, you still are aware that the other things around exist. Now change the light to paint. As you paint all the surroundings with your eyes, what eventually happens?

Everything turns one color and begins to lose distinction. Stay with me...

Do this same exercise with your eyes closed and you find the resulting painted area to resemble a sphere. As though you have painted your self into a ball. However, because you are not limited to the size of your imagination, you are able to recognize that this newer sphere of knowledge is wrapped around all the older spheres of your memory, one inside the other. This is the breakthrough.

New sphere surrounds old sphere and so on...Ad infinitum. Connect the dots to determine if the choice was effective toward your goal. Knowing that there is no limit to consciousness and realizing that all the possible outcomes already exist, always, is not counterproductive. The truth is one relies upon the other. All the outcomes must always exist so that when one's consciousness expands, it can expand through all levels of the souls development. And due to Free Will...there cannot be a limit on size nor possible choices. It is a cycle.

Final thought... We all know dreams exist and we all know that when it exists, it is real. This is what we do everyday while awake. A dream is as real as a desk, the two simply occupy different realities. When you can make that connection, you will begin to be set free. Expand your field of vision and your existence will expand with it.

Curiosity Killed the Cat

2005-05-04T01:05:00.000-07:00

Or did it? What if the cat learned something in it's investigation that allowed it to evolve to another level of consciousness? I realize that death is not be feared as an end but relished as a beginning. So, believing that, how could the curiosity be a bad thing?

Just some beef jerky for your brain...

Why Not?

2005-05-03T23:28:00.000-07:00

I have often found myself trying break down cliches and look for some sort of alternate answer. When I say cliches, I mean all things contrived of by mankind. We are convinced everything we believe is in some way truth. Forget about group think and focus hard on individual. This is highly important to conceptualize the following:

I have been asked this question, as each of us has, many times in life. Do you see the water glass as half full or half empty? Most of you will have already seen the answer to this question in your head as you read the question. This is the answer that you accept as your truth. Like it or not. So there is the choice, one or the other, please choose.

In my non-linear mind I always answered this question with a question. Can I choose a smaller glass in which to put my water? That way I do not have to worry about the answer. I simply have enough water in the new glass. In fact, I can even have too much water, so that the rim is overflowed. The glass could become so small that I would no longer need water to fulfill me. Simply having knowledge of the glass would be having. Soon I would no longer need the concept of the glass, for it exists only for a purpose. A purpose that I would no longer be enslaved by.

The notion of choosing either of the given choices, half full or half empty, implies a need to be fulfilled. In other words, you must have a want. You must want in order to choose either of the options given. Choosing the perceived negative of the two is simply expressing the want for more water, to have the half empty glass added to with more of the same, no matter how negative the outlook of the chooser may be. The final result is wanting more water, just being mean about it.

For those of you that feel the more positive choice suits you, you are misguided in your thought process. For by adding a positive spin to the choices given, you have simply expressed your desire for more water in a perceptually nicer manner. You have asked for nothing different, only asked in a different way. In the end, you proclaim the glass as half full, thus implying something missing. When something is missing, want fills the void. This is a conundrum.

In order to better understand, please consider the question as follows: Do you choose the glass half full or half empty of urine? Let us assume the urine is that of someone unknown to you and must be consumed by you. You are presented with the same two options to choose from. Do you pick half full or half empty? It becomes rather obvious that those choices have no bearing on the outcome, for you still have a glass of foreign urine to drink. So your choice will simply indicate whether or not you will be enjoying the forced result. You do not change the outcome by being nice about it. Nor do you accomplish anything with negativity. It can be said that you lose either way...kinda like Vegas.

For those of you who accept that the glass is fine as it is, for this is an option as well, nothing will be different about your choice. Accepting the glass as neither half of anything, but an acceptable whole, is simply allowing the desire for the water to remain as is. You still possess a want for the water you have in your possession. The decision to shrink the glass is but one path toward the complete removal of the need for the glass and in such, the need for the water. Remove the want and the need will follow.

So we are back to the seemingly wrong choice that I made in answering the question. The limit in choices is only perceived, it is not real. There are an infinite number of choices, I have only selected one in a long chain of understanding. I have chosen a smaller glass in order to reduce my wanting. This is step one of many that will eventually lead to a level of understanding that frees me completely from a desire to possess. I have all that I need within me and you can always go home with that knowledge.

Now, I no longer ask if I may have a smaller glass, but accept that I have already chosen and now must move forward on this path. When I asked for the smaller glass, I received it. And once you realize you are able to ask for things outside of the rulebook we are instructed to follow, you can begin to see the light. Not the light we want to be there, but the light that is there.

M-Theory and the Subconscious

2005-05-01T19:47:00.000-07:00

Chew on this:

M-Theory stands for the Multi-Universe Theory of String Physics. Real basic stuff. The Theory says the Universe we reside in consists of 11 dimensions of which we are consciously aware of 4. Up/Down, Back/Forward, Left/Right, and Time. Please notice that time seems to have no negative or opposite aspect. Or does it? For more on this please read Musings on Time, an earlier post. It also incorporates the concept of vibrating strings that make up all matter. These strings are so small that it is difficult to explain it. They are as small as math allows us to go. One double helix DNA strand is to the String as the Universe is to us. These strings can vibrate at different frequencies and in conjunction with others. All these vibratory signals create all known matter. They also control the formation of all physical things. They are the music behind the atomic world. We just cannot see them nor prove they even exist. But the math works...and each time the math works, we generally are on the mark with the resulting theory. I believe it and had a thought about the true nature of a very fun question. What are dreams and the subconscious?

Most people enjoy their blissful 4 dimensional reality and have no interest in even contemplating unseen dimensions. Even though these unseen dimensions exist all around us just as time does. I am not one of those people. I enjoy trying to find the answers and seeing the completed picture.

This is my theory. The subconscious and dream worlds exist in those other dimensions. The other dimensions do not stop at our physical plane but continue through and inside us. It is in these unseen dimensions that exists all thoughts, memories, feelings, and sensations from past, present, and future. Everyone's collective subconscious is always encircling each of us. We walk through it constantly like the air around us. So how do we tune in and where's the send/receive button?

The tuner is our brain. Think of it more as a translator of the a vast information source that has no language. In order to participate in life, you must have access to this material. Not complete access, but some. Each thought is added to the databank and becomes part of the whole. Each dream is logged and available for others to share. Good or bad. Memories of all things experienced and unexperienced float around like oxygen.

Some people have the ability to tune into this information and pick up channels that are normally too high a frequency. Many are called psychics and mediums. The interesting thing is that there are those in the scientific community that think psychics are faking it. Some of these same scientists are currently trying to unwrap the M-Theory candybar and make sense of the extra dimensional levels, without using math to describe them. I believe that the two sides will meet very soon. For a psychic is simply accessing the extra dimensional levels that M-Theorists are trying to prove exist. (psychic-physics) It really is a simple place this universe. It is only small on the outside.

Escape

2005-05-01T14:04:00.000-07:00

Original poem by the author of this blog...

Escape

Remember that tale bout a man on a path
Choosing I believe was first in his mind
Go where I know how the story will end
Or take the dark route overgrown with grass

Stay in my hole enclosed in this trap
In a system so rigid the rules don’t bend
Did what I could inside a corporate wrath
Escaped I did with my soul on the mend

I know why he chose to take the one path
Same reason I found hidden in my head
Remain immobile as life’s sacrificial calf
Or explore this great earth till I’m dead

Bread Crumb Trails

2005-05-01T13:23:00.000-07:00

I found an unopened container of bread crumbs in my cupboard. The processed kind that comes ready to use. Well I have no idea why I had originally purchased this product, I never use bread crumbs. Needless to say I felt awful just throwing away an unopened can of crumbs, so I decided to feed the crumbs to the birds and insects in the yard. Give a little back to nature. This is when it got interesting...

Hours went by after I left the piles of crumbs in different places. Places where the birds would see them and places where insects would find them. I had the time to check back every so often to try and find some pleasure in my good deed. I wanted to see the bounty being devoured.

Nothing happened. No birds...no insects. I decided to wait until the next afternoon to check back. By then, surely, the crumbs would be under assault.

The next day I glanced around the yard and noticed something very unusual. There was a trail of ants leading up the crumb pile...yet not a one was stopping to carry away crumbs. They climbed over and around it. They even seemed to be directing the ants following to begin a trail around the crumb pile. Well, it's their loss right. I know that all this activity and food will definitely bring the birds to eat. I just need to get out of the way.

After removing myself from the picture, I watched as birds flew in and tried the crumbs. Each of them would drag their beaks on the ground after tasting the crumbs. Like they were trying to get the taste out of their mouth. Every bird did this. So I tasted the crumbs left in the container and they tasted just fine. Why would insects that eat anything and birds that seem to love bread normally, refuse and even avoid these bread crumbs. Might these be the magic bread crumbs that Hansel and Gretel needed to succed in their adventure.

Instead of spending time contemplating this idea and the possible reasons behind it, I just turned the can around and read the label of ingredients. Yeah there is bread in there. And poly unsaturated this and partially hydrogenated that. Oh yeah, don't forget the sodium...

My conclusion is a simple one, for simple conclusions are the most accurate. The things we eat are so full of processed ingredients that even the world's garbage collectors are refusing to consume it. Several days later the rain finally washed away all the crumbs I had set out. They were untouched except by the wind until that point.

I guess I'll just throw away the rest of the bread crumbs. They apparently shouldn't be eaten. Lesson learned.

PETA Hypocrisy

2005-04-29T23:26:00.000-07:00

I find it laughable that the PETA supporters spent their day today picketing J-Lo in Hollywood... or jello as I like to say. In the crowd of sign waving, chanting, angry youngsters were more styrofoam cup Jamba Juice drinks than there are drinks to choose from. Each of them wearing leather shoes and carrying leather bags. They wrap their cell phones in animal skin and drink from disposable, non-biodegradable cups. The styrofoam cup thing alone is more destructive than if every human suddenly had to own a mink coat.

Are they jealous of this actress and her success? Are they angry about something they do not yet understand? They are truly misguided...whatever the case may be. I wonder how many of them actually have a J-Lo song or two on their iPod? Someone was probably listening to her music in the crowd of demonstrators. Ahhhh, kids today. They want to fight to take the their rightful inheritance away from those in charge of it's destruction and waste. But they have no idea how to accomplish that when they are so outnumbered. Their nest egg has been cracked open and mankind is making omelets...to go with the already cooked chicken that layed the egg.

I'd like some country potatoes and link sausage with a side of wheat toast...aren't we ordering breakfast. Is Room Service open? Is anybody out there? Comfortably Numb...weeee, the ride has just begun!

Shadows

2005-04-29T18:37:00.000-07:00

The following is an original poem written by the author of this blog. Enjoy...more to come.

Shadows

Curious eyes come open
Into the night to peer
At a shadow unbroken
So far yet from here
As all things on earth
Have shadows their own
What are they each worth
Just standing alone
They must have some value
All combined into one
As our planetary venue
Blocks out the sun

Musings on Time

2005-04-29T15:26:00.000-07:00

I spend much of my "time" pondering the concept itself. Einstein led me to this thought train some years ago. He proposed that time was measured only by the experiencer and only from their "perspective". In other words, if you were traveling along at the speed of light, time would seem to pass more quickly from your perspective. You would be as the photon...living life at 186,000 miles per second, or about 11 million miles per hour. Our globe...our clock...moves at roughly 1,000 miles per hour. If you counted your light-year lifespan in earth-time, you would live to be 77,000 earth years. Give or take a millennia due to environmental factors. Retirement at age 65,000. Not even a word spoken until maybe age 1,000. You would be walking only now and acting terrible if you have been born in 1 AD. Terrible 2,000's I guess.

When you look at time this way, you can see how someone traveling so fast might miss some details that we get the opportunity to view at great length in our slow earth-time dimension. Think of a horse enthusiast at the Kentucky Derby. Their knowledge of the horses, the past results of jockeys, and the statistics of every imaginable factor can be massive. They can intuitively know that there are many different outcomes possible, but they wager on the outcome they see as most likely. The outcomes already exist, it's the actions of the riders and horses, their choices made, that determines the true finality.

It is logical that the greater mysteries could be solved with such an expedient traversing of time. The collection of knowledge would be different, bigger and more simplified. You could see the forest for the forest and simply know that it was composed of trees.

So I awoke this morning with an amazing thought. All events have happened, whether past, present, or future. Not just the specific events and their results, but every event and every possible outcome has already occurred. We can only see the past and some of our present because we live in an earth-time dominated culture. Outside of this restriction, the records of events are generated from the list of all possible outcomes. The choices made by each of us determine the final result. Even a single choice unmade determines a path, a new destiny for many.

I have always believed that destiny was a farce. How could I have free will and still be on a forced path? Now I realize that destiny is only predetermined by decision and morphed into something completely new upon each choice. We are limited, normally, to making decisions based on old information, things from our past. This is not the only information available to draw upon however. There are greater, simplified sets of information that exist in infinite time. All things done and undone, recorded for review. Tapping in to this stream is no easy task and brings forth animosity in those blinded by darkness. As I write, I know that many will see this as the musings of madman. That is the wall I must overcome. I will have another, my twin, who will assist me in this effort. His name is Sandalphon.

I understand the difficulty involved in conceptualizing this, but the truth exists whether or not you can understand it. We have chosen a path that has become wide and welcoming to all. Some of us have been shown the true darkness ahead and presented with a choice. Not a choice to make for ourselves, as in selfish recoil, but for everyone. The message has become so blackened that it is no longer legible. I can read it, however, and I do not understand why. I have been asked to find a manner in which to share the things I am being allowed to know.

I am being shown issues that need immediate addressing or things as we know it will begin to change rapidly. Time...earth-time...is snapping back, catching up, picking up speed. You can all feel it...everyday. Things will begin to occur that will set in motion events that I will ask you to witness. There is paradise waiting in the spring of seven years. My confidence in this gift is growing even more rapidly. I am going away to become stronger. On my return, things will have changed to demonstrate the purpose of this message today. I understand that this is vague, but the time will come when I can share with confidence the things that are unfolding.

For now, just know that there is a God and he exists inside yourself. Listen to the voice asking, pleading with you for change. It is not your conscience talking to you. It is someone that knows the outcomes and has wagered everything that his namesake shall succeed. He doesn't run the race, we do. How hard are you willing to run for his victory?

Riddle

2005-04-27T17:41:00.000-07:00

How many numbers exist between 1 and 2?

4.25

2005-04-24T01:47:00.000-07:00

A S S A S S I N

Thanks Mom

2005-04-24T00:59:00.000-07:00

I learned something new today. My mom asked me if I had ever taken an I.Q. test. Well, my theory on testing in general was actually brought back to the forefront of my thinking. I again wondered why tests have always been such a trivial part of my education over the years. I always denied that a test could demonstrate mental ability. I am referring to the tests we all participate in throughout school and life. Final Exams and Driver's Tests. The one's we all tend to take, like an I. Q. Test or Personality Test, at some point in life. I had never taken an I.Q. test, so I set off to try one online. Here's what I learned.

The I.Q. test is built upon some principle question types. I can find the numeric patterns and word patterns they ask for without much trouble. Vocabulary and Math are not difficult for me. I had not done well with the spacial relationship questions... of which mastery would only benefit a cartographer. I noticed that the spacial relationship questions were difficult to answer in 20 seconds, but I knew there must be a pattern to resolving which was the correct answer and doing it quickly. So...I took a look at the practice tests and was able to find the pattern used to specify an answer to the spacial questions. I learned this pattern (system) and went back to the I.Q. test.

I was able to raise my I.Q. by handfuls of points by simply learning how these people ask questions and what systems they use to determine answers. And I did all this about an hour. So, is it really a test of intelligence to get the answers correct? I believe not. The system is the key, not the answer per se. Once you can trust your understanding of the system, the answer can be found readily.

I have found this to be especially true of Personality tests. The series of questions are all the same yet reworded. You are really only answering about ten questions and if you know what those questions mean, you can adapt your personality to suit whatever the needed outcome may be. Just tailor your answers to meet the desired result. Easily manipulated. The fun part is keeping track of all your answers to the question sets, so the results don't show the manipulation. They have a system to ferret that out too.

So we're back to the mundane tests we all take in life and are judged with by others. I refuse to share the outcome of my I.Q. test(s) because of the huge swing in results. And because I don't care what they say I know or do not know. I know their systems and that is enough to know the outcome.

Today I learned that the point of the I.Q. test is to demonstrate one's ability to learn and apply systems. Therefore, with some time spent mastering these specific systems, a genius level score could be generated. And this person would truly be a genius of I.Q. test taking. Hopefully that means something to the rest of mankind. I have become bored with these trivialities again already.

Parable of Martha Stewart

2005-04-22T12:12:00.000-07:00

Martha Stewart began her journey as a follower. She watched and learned the ways of her predecessors in order to follow into their success. She climbed steadily up the mountain behind the chosen few she admired, all the while growing closer in stature with those of power. Soon the summit would arrive and all could rejoice in their achievement.

As Martha stepped into the realm of her gods, she felt the warmth of their reception. Her intuitions ignored, Martha grew doe-eyed and wandered deeper into the trap. Those that she had so faithfully followed had led her astray. Now was the time for her to be sacrificed at the hand of those she adored, for crimes they had shared with her. She was to be offered as the sole responsible party and would be punished with imprisonment and exile.

This was to be a lesson for all, yet Martha rejoiced in her guilt and accepted her punishment. She had learned more than expected in her first climb.

As the imprisonment drew to a close, Martha had rebuilt a mountain of her own. Upon her release, she was escorted to the summit to once again rejoice in her achievement. The lessons she had learned, and demonstrated for all with her actions, had brought renewed success.

Now, as Martha stands in awe of the summit she commands, it will become even more difficult for her to see the reality of the situation. The more time that passes with her atop that summit, the more distant and secluded she will become.

For an enlightened one sharing her perch, it is agonizing to watch a fellow human blissfully ignore the truth all around her. For if Martha were to open her eyes, she would see her achievement for it's true value. Martha would quickly see that her mountain was nothing more than a hill among mountains of immeasurable grandeur. Mountains surrounding her with their summits obscured, summits that truly must be hidden in the clouds. This new sight, this new vision, would bring new choices. Choices to stay and rejoice atop the hill or to relinquish the hilltop and begin anew.

If the desire arises to find the summit of this new, gigantic mountain, the choice must first be made to descend the peak you are upon. For Martha the choice is much more difficult, for her descent is much further. For most everyone else, the choice to descend is a difficult one to make because the truth is clouded with man-made ideologies arguing against such a decision. And it's hard to sacrifice everything for something everyone else cannot see.

So I ask you...Why not challenge the validity of the achievements of those who came before you? Why not question the direction you have chosen? Why not ask if what you are aiming for is the correct target? Why not try to find out what the true mission should be? Why not start descending your hill? For you see, once down at ground level, the journey up can begin in earnest. This journey is not guided and there is no path to follow. This journey cannot be undertaken without sacrifice and belief. The reward cannot be known, but no valuable journey is about the reward. The journey is about the experience and this journey is for everyone. A choice unmade will be made for you.

For every action, there is an equal but opposite reaction. Therefore, for every inaction, there is an equal but opposite action. Choices are everyone's responsibility and I plead with you to choose wisely.

Waiting

2005-04-19T13:52:00.000-07:00

I realized that I have been living a few days ahead of the rest of the world for some time now. This is why things have not been clear to me. Physically I still existed in the time everyone keeps, but mentally I was gaining days every hour. I can associate the feeling with that of accelerated aging. In other words, I have been given an opportunity to learn things that most cannot know, at least not at such a young age. Some things I have learned people will never know. Not even if I could explain. Some of the knowledge is not supposed to be available to us. Yet I have access to it.

People with more year's experience have a wisdom that has been growing as a tree, layers of information stored. Just think of the way you knew things 10 years ago and imagine how you would act now, with a decade of information to add to the analysis. Now imagine getting that information early, but not understanding how it applied until the actual experience passed and could be viewed in retrospect. I was told by everyone that this was a normal side effect of hindsight. But now I know different.

I have always known that hindsight is analyzing something after the fact to review the new information acquired and learn how to apply it next time. I experience some things in life with that "hindsight" information available to me, call it foresight, and have to make conscious choices as to a direction. Lately it has been almost all my experiences. The tricky part is understanding the information and how to apply it, without knowing what the events are going to be. How can I make an educated choice, using information available to me ahead of schedule, when the outcome is unknown? And how does the early knowledge interact with all I already know? Difficult questions to answer completely, but even partial answers are enormous gains. I have some big partial answers already. I think I know where and how to find the rest.

So I am back to living days, actually years ahead of the rest of you. I have begun to learn, that in order to use the foresight, I must first have a destination in mind. I need to reset all the goals I have ever dreamed. Those old dreams have followed Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy into my internal fiction section. New dreams are required, new goals must be determined.

Not all the choices have been made. Not all the scores have been tallied. Most final decisions have been made though. Hard to know how to change things without changing yourself. Peace will come but it will be expensive. More expensive than any human can conceive. These are things I know and can share.

I am continuing ahead without the rest of you for now. I have a strong feeling that I will be coming back, I just have to wait for that time to come. It is time for my hegira.

Battle with the Ants

2005-04-02T16:08:00.000-08:00

I have been waging war against an apparently unending colony of ants. I have a feeling that this is common for many people around the world. The ants want food, my food, and I cannot stop them from getting it. I have used pesticides inside and outside. I have tracked down their ant hunters and tried to disrupt the trails they've created. (This approach is interesting but highly time consuming.) The ants are persistent and the pesticides were beginning to bother me.

This battle has been going on for some time. A few months ago I tried an experiment that has so far succeeded. The plan was simple. I gave up fighting them. I stopped using pesticides in the container garden I have and left the ants to their business...Outside. I immediately noticed the other insects in my garden began to multiply as well. Spiders are eating the little flying gnats that have plagued my roses and lemon tree. The ants are using the containers as condominiums. The caterpillars that usually ignore the chemical laden vegetation are eating their fill and morphing into moths and butterfly's. The bounty of insects has increased the number of birds that come to my small garden. The sparrows come to feed on the ants and others little insects. Balance in my little ecosystem has been restored and this has worked magic.

I no longer worry about ants inside. They have no need to come in. Everything they need is maintained around my home to give them a place to live beside me. Lesson learned.

Best Place to Jump

2005-04-01T22:55:00.000-08:00

If you ever reach the end of the world...Jump. It's the best to do so. Once there is nothing left to discover the only remaining mystery lies beyond death. And it seems to me that a person jumping from such a height would have a long time to recollect all that was learned in life, so as to not forget.

I find pleasure in this notion because of the inherent logic flaw. How could one ever reach the end of a circle? Even figuratively finding the end to jump from would simply place you right back on the circle from which you jumped. It is said that death comes for each of us in time. I choose to dispel that myth in my mind. I choose to believe that I am walking a path toward death, it is not coming for me. Death is not a hunter. Death is a door.

The trick is seeing it in the distance and still having enough road left to get things done. It is easier to be surprised by your arrival at the door than not. However, it is possible to recognize the inevitability of its arrival and prepare.

I feel blessed to have crossed the threshold once and returned. For now, I will keep my eyes on the horizon for a familiar door's approach. Not looking for the door, but marveling at all that is ahead of me, between here and there.

Teams Are Chosen

2005-03-23T12:12:00.000-08:00

The family of Terri Schiavo has been blinded. Their egotistical desire to keep Terri alive as a pet for the family is the result of misguided belief in life over death without concern for the individual. Their actions are selfishness defined. The polarity of this one life will reverberate with consequences for all lives.

Imagine your existence in a hospital bed forever, tubes inserted down your throat forever, no means of communicating with others forever, and all the time you are conscious of yourself as a prisoner. No just a prisoner in your own body, but imprisoned there by your own family so they don't have to accept the loss of your "life". This is all being forced upon you because your family is selfish and because your family is weak of mind and soul. How would you feel then?

Terri is only alive because of machines. This is the ultimate punishment for a human and we have chosen an innocent to endure it. Are you looking for a sign of things to come? My suggestion is to choose wisely.

Sweepstakes Winner

2005-03-19T14:16:00.000-08:00

Hell has announced it's Armageddon Sweepstakes Winner...

The Mormons!!!

Crazy Sons-of-Bitches. Isn't it illegal to have an active "CULT" running around recruiting on the streets?? Anyway, rest assured that they will be blessed with the first wave of wrath when the time comes. Maybe it's a good thing they all have helmets on already...even though it won't help. God does not take kindly to self righteous, racist, bigomists that believe they are the only true blessed ones. In fact, that describes the relationship between God and Satan. Hmmm, maybe they are all listening to the wrong voice. Maybe they all only hear the voice of Satan and are so impressed they call him "God". I would't want to be at the meeting where they all find out who they really worship. Anyone feel like a cocktail??

About those helmet wearing, short-sleeved shirt and tie guys on bicycles...do the helmets protect the jello in their skulls or is it to hide their horns?? I think it is to hide their horns. Devil creatures.

Second Place Winner:

Everyone involved with the Trinity Broadcasting Network (TBN).

Congratulations, you have all won a one-way trip straight to hell. All your worries will be taken from you, multiplied by a factor of 1000, and returned to you. All your greed will turn to fire and burn you for an eternity.

Evil incarnate is TBN. These children of Satan are in disguise as Angel's and are using God's word to steal. They are feeding their own greed and lusting for more treasure. God will not forgive these sins, nor will he find pity on those that followed these false gods. Acquiring wealth under the guise of Religion. Those of you guilty of this will find punishment severe.

So far we have two winner's in this category...The Mormon Cult and TBN. More winners to come. The teams have been chosen.

Busted

2005-03-14T12:12:00.000-08:00

I went to one of those speed dating deals.
Here's how it works:

You show up and get to spend 3 minutes with each of 20-25 women. You share some basics and move on. If there is a spark, you can arrange to meet again.

I was not even let through the door and I think I know why.
Here's how I showed up:

I was nude under my robe, already drunk, and under my arm was a 24 pack of condoms. And they wouldn't let ME in? Guess I'll try again next weekend.

tee hee hee...

War of the Roses

2005-03-11T12:20:00.000-08:00

Sleep came quickly last night and with such depth. The kind of sleep you daydream about. Good sleep. For me however, this was to be good sleep with a show. It seems my right brain was up all night partying with other right brains in a dream bar poker tournament. Normally this would not be a problem, but this was no normal time.

While mister right brain was out getting crazy, my left brain was hard at work processing all the information for my other dreams. (Sort of like watching television with that little picture in picture feature on. Constant distraction from the show you really want to watch.) This is tedious work and she was very upset when my right brain finally showed up at dawn. With only a few tidbits of work remaining, the argument began immediately.

My left brain started to point out all the right brain's indiscretions from time immeasurable to the present. Each in frightening detail. My right brain just stood there and took it. He knows this is not the time to argue with her for this history review. The eyes are about open and they must get ready for active duty. And he is tired too. Very tired.

Because they share a single room studio apartment called cranium manor, there is plentiful time for the balance to be returned. And even though right brain is a touch angered by left brain's whining, he knows it is only because she cares... and because she desperately needs a good night out. Maybe I'll get drunk tonight...you know, throw a little party for my brain and try to get the two halves working together happily again. Or not.

Small Surprise

2005-03-10T17:46:00.000-08:00

Someone once suggested a slower journey involving sweet aromas and roses. Relaxing enough to smell some beautiful flowers. For most of us relaxation is the rabbit racing ahead of the greyhound...run, run, run!

I think it possible to find those delicate moments of relaxation in our everyday living. It is as easy as being "pleasantly surprised" by even the simplest of events. For example, when I peeled the paper wrapper from my drinking straw at lunch today, I found myself grinning like a child with warm giggles growing inside me. You see, I received a present that I didn't expect. I could not resist the temptation to pause and laugh. I got a flexi-straw, or bendi-straw, or whatever you want to call it. I relished that magnificent sound as the pleats in the plastic pulled apart and each pop begged a memory to rise. I expected a normal, straight, boring straw and was rewarded with a fun, musically inclined, plastic drinking instrument. Total surprise and it happens all the time, to all of us.

You just need to look...

Tulips II

2005-03-07T23:33:00.000-08:00

Upon further inspection of the Tulip, it occurred to me that there is more to the life cycle of the flower, not the plant itself, but the flower. The intermingling of the pollens and the cloning of blooming plants are common activities. I note the two activities in order to distinguish them. With the pollen we receive an unknown flower change, while with the clone we receive an identical flower. So a dilemma arises in me, a choice to make for the future.

Should I grow what I know, with the outcome expected? Simply more of the same flower, one after the other, to occupy all my energies. Or should I take the risk of failing to produce a flower of significance, when the actual result could be far more interesting than even imagined? I think I'll accept the risk in order to be marveled with the outcome.

I see in the tulip a beautiful flower, simply put. The fact that I have chosen to put my energies into something fundamentally more risk-filled enhances the sweetness of the flower to come. Simply put.

Special Day

2005-03-04T13:38:00.000-08:00

I am so glad I made it to 3-4-5. I was a little worried about the course of things back on 1-2-3, but now that I have made it this far, I feel okay in looking forward to 5-6-7.

Fly the Copter

2005-03-02T15:56:00.000-08:00

Challenging little Copter Game.

http://www.hurtwood.demon.co.uk/Fun/copter.swf

Have fun.

21st Century CEO

2005-03-02T14:46:00.000-08:00

The Queen of Chic will soon be released from "prison". We all know it was no San Quentin but it's a place I've never been required to check into. Anyway, it seems that a choice to act virtuous and take the punishment has resulted in this fact, "Since her sentencing last July, stock in Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia has quadrupled, making her a billionaire once again".

Go to Jail...Do not pass GO...But please have this billion dollars anyway!! The CEO of the 21st Century is an Ex-Con. I am glad to see Martha get paid for this. She got screwed because she was famous. Made an example of...so to speak. Now she's MORE famous than ever and the media blitz has started it's engine. Warm up laps are underway as we get set to go green in the Martha Stewart 500. Let's reach up there and pull those belts tight, it's gonna be a wild tortuous ride on the blue light special.

More than Meets the Eye

2005-02-28T02:04:00.000-08:00

Scientists discover Invisible Galaxy...

Tulips

2005-02-28T00:48:00.000-08:00

One of the few things that keeps me "grounded" is gardening. You, as the Gardner, are required to create an environment for life to flourish. You are required to exhibit patience and sometimes you must water bare soil for weeks. Madness defined. But then you see the first emerald peeking through the dark earth. You are once again invigorated and renewed in your love for the process. It's the process of life.

I find the planting of the seed to be rather a mundane job, for it seems the bees have the most fun in this reproductive cycle...or is it really the flower having fun? Not mine to know nor guess. The seed needs a place to sink it's teeth and this happens away from the prying human eye. I have seen documentary footage of seeds and bulbs doing their work beneath the soil and the images are enough to keep me interested in caring for my bare soil...no matter what.

Watching your plants grow becomes the grease for your wheel. You see the efforts resulting in something living. Your hand was instrumental in completing the lifecycle of the plant. This is not to say that the plant couldn't do this on it's own, I am merely glad to have a " hand " in it.

I find the most pleasure in the maintenance of my plants. Clipping the dead limbs and turning the soil. Feeding them with water and food. Having my hands on them as I learn more and more about life. Their life is like our life. For you see...we both share a common goal to survive but cannot do it alone. Along our life's journey we are required to somehow provide a path for the next generation to follow with as many of the questions answered as possible. Each plant of mine is fighting the same battle to provide enough beauty in this generation to forge ahead for the next of it's kind. It is a process. It is life.

I recently viewed an episode of The Victory Garden (pbs.org) dedicated to tulips and found the motivation for this homage to gardening. A tulip bulb farmer demonstrated the simple process of cross pollination and then a tulip historian showed a bed with the natural cycle of flower mutation up through six generations. Each successive flower was more complicated in structure and color pattern. Fighting for survival requires new clothes sometimes. The changes are called mutations but could be better descibed as indisciminate love. The bee has a taste for nectar and cares little about the flower from whence it came. Seems some flowers might get a little chocolate in their peanut butter from time to time. It might just result in a more attractive flower as demonstrated by a series of tulip beds in Holland.

I highly recommend getting wrist deep in some freshly turned soil. Or, if not so inclined to dirt, get a little plant from somewhere and take care of it. They will take care of you in return.

2005-02-27T17:27:00.000-08:00

Stunning...Absolutely STUNNING!!! Halle Berry...Yummy!

Halle and a new convertible Cadillac. Proud to be an American!!
www.cadillacunder5.com/presentation/siteindex.html

Beach Life

2005-02-26T21:25:00.000-08:00

This is for the Men in the group...and any women interested as well.

I must admit that there are certain advantages to living at the beach. For example, a very voluptuous blonde just moved in across the street. The sunny, warm weather that we enjoy most everyday of the year causes wonderful things to happen to clothing. It disappears. Picture Jessica Simpson's body falling out of an extra small white tank top and one of those mini-mini skirts showing off the rest.

So besides the sunshine, beach, waves, and laid-back lifestyle, we have nearly naked, twenty-something hotties running around all day. I am certain that this is heaven! Yay...I made it!!

The man that has me beat, my Uncle, can be found here: www.jeffsherratt.blogspot.com/ Newport Beach rocks!! Huntington still holds my heart though!!

Surf Trip of Dreams

2005-02-26T21:18:00.000-08:00

My good friend Eddie has left on his year long surf trip around the world. Check out the journey here:

www.travelingsurfers.com

As for me, I am trying to figure out where and when to meet up with him!

2005-02-24T16:15:00.000-08:00

Hello all... Wanted everyone to have an idea of the Man behind the lunacy.

2005-02-24T15:51:00.000-08:00

Hee Hee Hee!!!

Did I Miss Something?

2005-02-23T23:53:00.000-08:00

The Gates in New York's Central Park is WHAT again? $23 million for some cheap hotel curtains out in an otherwise beautiful landscape. No wonder everyone hates us. Burt Ruttan created Private Space Flight for less money...SPACE FLIGHT!!

Someone should remind Christo, if that really is his name, that "Art" is a quadriplegic hanging on a wall.

Tahoe...Smahoe

2005-02-23T23:13:00.000-08:00

We have out snowed Tahoe this year. I believe we have a base in excess of 12' (144"+) and more on the way. Mt. Baldy has opened the entire mountain and they have removed ALL trail restrictions. They are allowing you to ride everywhere because there is so much snow. Big Bear and Mountain High are predicting late spring snow that will rival past years entire winters.

Lake Arrowhead is "overflowing" its banks and Big Bear Lake has risen some 20 feet. This is before any of the snow has melted.

And as I thought, the new sandbars along Huntington are amazing. Normally the strong winter swells line up and break along a "wall". This is very bad. Now these same swells are sectioning off into about 10-15 separate peaks that each breaks solidly right and left. Super hollow. It is as if reefs grew over the weekend. This is VERY GOOD!! It could be some tropical island reef break if the water didn't look like the toilet after a bout with Montezuma's Revenge. (If you have to ask what I mean by that...think diarrhea)

One really good sign though was all the dolphin pods right offshore today. They were hanging out just beyond the grime line and avoiding their usual playing in the surf with surfers, but they are hanging around. Haven't seen them for weeks. I guess after all the close experiences I have had with wild dolphins at very close range, I can understand why people would pay money to swim with them. Something much more enriching in sharing a wave with a dolphin though! Kinda scares the crap out of you for a moment, but then you just drift off into your ride and do what the dolphin does...have fun!!

Peace Out

Tony the Tiger...Dead in Hollywood.

2005-02-23T12:15:00.000-08:00

A tragic day in Hollywood as Tony the Tiger's version of The Fugitive comes to a dramatic ending with Police. A couple of weeks ago Tony apparently jumped a fence to escape from his Studio ordered drug rehab facility. Tracks were found indicating the Hollywood Icon had begun using again and was roaming the Valley looking for a fix. Police finally located the rampaging sugar fiend and Tony didn't stand a chance. Witnesses heard the gunfire followed by a last impassioned "They're Great" before Tony finally succumbed to the gunshot wounds. Hollywood is mourning the loss of a true icon. For more details follow the link attached to the Title.

In other news from the crazy town, Officials in Santa Barbara have made a groundbreaking decision in the Michael Jackson case. In an effort to save the California Taxpayers millions of dollars, Officials have allowed Mr. Jackson to become a Catholic Priest, thus removing the stigma of his child molestation. Church Officials have only said that Mr. Jackson will be utilized to raise money for the corrupt organization and be allowed to continue to rape little boys, with their parents consent of course. Mr Jackson has released a statement indicating that he is excited about all the "Jesus Juice" he will have access to and is thrilled at the prospect of fresh "Boy Butt". The Pope has issued a statement as well: "Uuuurrrgggghhhh..hrnph...cough..cough"

Enjoy your day and stay tuned for breaking news.

CLICK ME

2005-02-23T01:29:00.000-08:00

The AIDS epidemic in Africa is frightening. I just felt that this subject is important and the folks at the website you can find by clicking the title have a very effective means of educating the children in these devastated countries. Knowledge IS everything.

Anyway, just hope you appreciate the knowledge.

Snakes...why'd it have to be snakes??

2005-02-22T23:56:00.000-08:00

I remember seeing JAWS and thinking that I might worry a little more when in the Ocean. That fear went away with the first good swell I experienced in HB. Recently I was witness to a waterspout/tornado right on the beach. Very cool in a scary way!

Now I truly have reason to worry. Seems that there is more washing out to sea than just trash and trees and tuberculosis. Seems that poisonous snakes are turning up on our beaches. They are obviously cold and stunned, so they hide in the piles of debris on the beach. The most dangerous are rattlers. Yeah...Rattlers hanging out on the beach. The problem is worse further south toward Laguna, but I am going to step carefully for the next few days!!

The Ocean is chocolate brown soup from all the runoff, but the sandbars are huge. In a couple of days and hopefully until summer, we could see some of the best formed surf in decades!!! A-framed peaks throwing top to bottom, inside and outside. There are seven new sandbars between the Pier and Goldenwest Street. Shaweeeet!

Aloha from the Island of Huntington Beach.

NASCAR

2005-02-19T10:44:00.000-08:00

All is right in the world again!! Thank you NASCAR for coming back!! 190 mph in traffic...and it's legal!!

WoooooooooooHooooooooooooooo!!!

I'll get you my Pretty!

2005-02-19T09:53:00.000-08:00

Hmmmm! I just had a tornado roll onshore. YES!!! A TORNADO!! Missed me and my car... Update: This morning I was driving up PCH from 9th St (heading north). The rain was coming down so hard that everyone just stopped on PCH because we couldn't see anything. I was rolling slowly past 12th St. on PCH when the waterspout came ashore at 14th St. and cruised into town. I had my wipers on FULL and it was like I was underwater. Uuuhhhhh...Fricken COOL!! Needless to say, I was safely in and out of Mickey D's for breakfast and home in time for NASCAR. So I came as close to a Tornado as I could and luckily not a scratch!! 2 tiny blocks faster and I would have been nailed by it!! I took a walk on the beach this afternoon and saw the path on the beach where the thing came ashore. I think the only damage was a light pole down and some trees shaken apart. This is great fun Mother Nature...Thank you!!

Woo Hoo!! The ark is built and I am now heeding the "Tornado Warnings" on TV. This is fricken cool. I think I saw that old lady on her bike flying by!! Wow... Now I just need a hurricane to round off the disaster cycle. Has any city ever hit for the cycle? Earthquake, Flood, Tornado, Fire, and Hurricane? I am only a hurricane away now!!

Remember that saying, "whatever floats your boat"...well everything out here now floats...crazy man, like totally wacked out dude.

Gurgle gurgle...gulp!

Happy Wednesday!!

2005-02-16T14:53:00.000-08:00

Thanks Tim for the candy! Sometimes it just feels good to wish the exact opposite of everyone else. Fun is in the eye of the beholder and I beheld fun!

I would like to warn everyone about a pretty nasty Flu bug I just spent a week and half fighting. I hope ya'll can avoid it!

Good news is I've lost about 10 pounds. That is always good heading into the spring!

One last note. This years Grammy's was the best I have ever seen, with the exception of the terrible rendition of that Beatles song. Good for the Tsunami victims and I guess good for all the people that have downloaded it for they now can share in some of the pain. U2 was good. Now they are just like microsoft and sony, too big for their own egos. They've turned into the thing they were fighting all along. Ahhhh money!!

Ciao

Blah Bla Blaa

2005-02-13T21:14:00.000-08:00

Bla blah bla blaa blah, blah blaaaa blahh! Blah bla Dr. Phil blah bla blaaa. Blah bla blaaa blah blah bla blahblabla. Blibbity blib blah blabity blah. Blappity blap blipi bla bla bla, bla ba blah ba. Blaoppi blah blah blaaaaa bla bla, bla blappity bla bla; blahhh bla blipptiy blip blah. Blo blopopity blah blip blippty blah blah.

Blah bla bla blah blah! "Blaugh blaugh blah bla"!!!

Uncle Harry

2005-02-08T11:48:00.000-08:00

Dreams have meaning and purpose. I could say I believe that, however, it would be more precise to say I simply know it. I have had very few vivid dreams. So few a number that I have deep memories of these dreams. I have experienced a couple of these dreams more times than I care to count. One very vivid dream needs to be shared, if only for me to learn from the experience. I only had this dream ONCE. This I will venture to explain later.

The dream was easily recognizable as a city like Downey. I felt like it was a city like Downey. I was in the front seat of a non-descript car and Uncle Harry was driving. He said he needed to make one stop before he took me home. (I have no recollection of ever being in a car alone with Uncle Harry in my life, at least not like this.)

We pulled into an apartment parking lot and he immediately parked. As he got out of the car he asked me to wait, but I was already following him toward the apartment door. It was a downstairs apartment and seemed to be connected to others like it. When we reached the door the feeling in the dream was like a detective thriller. We were breaking in the door and rushing into the apartment. There was a man in the downstairs room to the left of a staircase leading to a second floor. He was quickly gone out the back door and I was left watching Uncle Harry run after him. I ran along behind him trying to catch him. I was unable to. He and the man he was chasing were moving faster than possible away from me. I was still in the street in the Downey-like town frantically yelling for passing motorists to stop and give me a ride to catch my Uncle Harry. I felt I needed to help him. I wanted more than anything to follow him.

I was told by each motorist that I could not have a ride and to go home. This happened for a period of time in which I became more and more frustrated that I was being denied a ride by all these people. I was being denied the opportunity to follow my Uncle Harry and I woke up very disturbed, angry with all those people. I was angry that I woke up to find it was not real. I woke and realized I had been dreaming.

I have had this dream once and it plays in my memory like a movie. The part that I am questioning is this. I had this dream after Harry died. I remember thinking that in the dream. How can you be here with me in a car when I know you are dead? My consciousness in this dream was real, as if I were awake. Very literally awake!

The exploration into these memories and their meaning is slowly becoming clearer. I feel that if I do not accept the thought patterns I am experiencing that I will go crazy, instead of just feeling like I'm crazy.

I am beginning to believe that I somehow shared Uncle Harry's journey into the afterlife. It is the only explanation that makes sense when I review all the details of the dream. I have not had a dream of Uncle Harry since then. In fact, I have no memories of ever dreaming about my family members. Can any of Harry's siblings share with me why he would come to me in a dream such as this? Is there something about Harry as a person that would make him wait around after death for a guide? Would he have needed direction? Answers...I really need answers.

I just need to share this, but your comments and insights, your thoughts and feelings about this are important to me. I have compiled many thoughts on this newly discovered topic and I feel like I am beginning to understand more than ever before. The feeling is one of overwhelming freedom to explore. Explore without the constraints of human judgment to attempt to set things right. I need to complete this exploration, this is my path.

Your Attention Please!

2005-02-07T14:25:00.000-08:00

Couple of things to clarify. I am not writing these things for my benefit. Having these realizations is enough for me. Trust me, they are so beautiful that I am compelled to share. I wrote these things to begin a dialogue of healing for all of you. This is not for me! I cannot explain the feeling of completeness that has taken over everyday of my life. I am understanding and translating for all of you a message about your lives. It's about all of us and there are many many words still to come.

I am asking you to have faith in me and the things I will say. I do not know why this is all happening to me right now, but imagine if you had wondered what the afterlife was like all your life and suddenly the answers started coming in dreams. What if you had the realization that you have memories, if they can be called that, of places that are the afterlife? That's the only way I can describe it today, but I am now focused on this path like never before.

Something to chew on. The human descriptions of purgatory, I believe are skewed. You are living there now. Purgatory, as Man envisions it, is life. Considering this, what choices would you now make in life? Does death seem like such a terrible thing when you consider where you are right now? For me the answer is questioning everything and as I do, the answers are being found right inside my head.

My Godmother

2005-02-04T21:52:00.000-08:00

I have been doing research into NDE's or Near Death Experiences. Mainly because I have been dead and now am alive. Thanks Dad for encouraging me back into my body. I have heard many interesting theories about what may have transpired when my little human form straight-lined at the bottom of Magee's pool. Some seem theoretically sound and some quite amazing. I wanted to share some things with my readers because I think it's time to tell. Some of it, not all.

I do not have a memory of dying or of falling into the water. The only experience that has always stuck with me, a very vivid memory and tangible feeling, is of floating on my back underwater about 30 feet down. The water was extremely peaceful and I never wanted to leave it. It's warmth was permeating and the feeling was like nothing I have found again. The feeling of calm, lying there looking up through the water at the light, the very warm light. It reminds me today of the sun in the summer, when it reaches high noon. If I lay in the sun on days like that and close my eyes, I can almost feel that sensation. I do not have any memory other than this...as of yet.

To this day one of my favorite things to do is dive down in the ocean and lay on my back on the bottom, looking up into the light. It works in a pool but, the experience isn't vast enough. The ocean is almost big enough. Almost.

Anyway, my research is leading me down paths that scare me and excite me at the same time. Most of you reading this will never understand some of the things I am going to speak about, but never worry about me. One of the things common to all NDE's is the remnant feeling of solace with all around you and the understanding that things are so much bigger than all of us that few things really need be worried about. I cannot begin to explain, although I will attempt to, how this feeling of being unplugged from all the rest of you is so wonderful.

I have wondered all my conscious life why I didn't feel like I belonged here. Something has felt out of place since I can remember. It wasn't until an experience with death taught me a lesson. In the 8th grade, I was asked by Sister Brid to come to the back door with my backpack. I was leaving with my tear-soaked mother and going to see first hand what death really was. For the second time, I realize now.

I remember not feeling sad myself but feeling sad for all of you. I didn't feel like Magee was in trouble, more that she was causing you all so much pain and she knew it. She wanted that to stop, I think, at least I believe she wanted that. I cannot figure out why she waited though. Did she wait for me? It is very possible based on some of the research I have done. Each of us has a guide to the other side and sometimes people need their living human guide to show them the way. I keep coming to this answer and I find it remarkable that she would choose me. What I do remember was walking into the hospital room. Through the huge door and into a circular wall of my elders. This part probably due to my Catholic education but I remember thinking that when you all moved, it was like the parting of the Red Sea. I remember thinking that Magee was already gone, mostly because I was told not to expect anything. She was highly medicated and very ill.

Yet, she grasped my hand and sat up in bed. She said my name and told me how much she loved me. I already knew that and I remember thinking that she was ready now, to move on. I felt it in her hand, as hard as that is to believe. I have been looking for an explanation since that day and I feel that the guide scenario is the best fit so far. I actually need to ask her before I'll know for sure.

I must continue with the stories. The day my brother Michael died, I held him in my arms and looked deeply into his rolled back eyes for any sign of life. Odd that I should be there to see him off! I touched his blue lips and knew that he had gone. I have struggled with so much guilt since that day, guilt that I didn't do my part to save him as my father had done for me. Yet I cannot feel guilty anymore. I am beginning to understand the strong sensation that I could do nothing, the overwhelming feeling that I could not bring him back, was not an excuse. It was a very honest truth that my guilt ridden consciousness would not accept. I now am beginning to understand that I simply knew. I knew he was gone. I knew like you know your nose is on fire. I was sad because I wanted my brother, but I was more sad for my family and especially my parents. The sadness was for them and not for Michael. I was sad that they, my parents, would not understand that it was okay that he died and that you should be happy because of what he now experiences. Trust me, it is a feeling beyond earthly compare. Crazy, I know, but this is coming out of my mind and I am trying to piece it together. This is what I have so far and I now realize what needs to be done to continue my learning and understanding.

My Mom once asked me if I had ever considered suicide. My answer was yes, but that I had considered it a non-choice. As though, even if I tried and succeeded, that it wouldn't matter. I would be sent back and have to deal with the trouble and suffering I had caused. Quite selfish reasons for not doing it, but good reasons. Better than most.

The inspiration for this piece was a comment from my Godmother, Marie. I began to consider the fear and the panic she must have felt as she struggled with cancer. She now, I am sure, has a slightly different outlook on her remaining years, but I wanted to say a few things to her and the rest of my family. I love you all very much but you must know that this particuliar segment of the journey is fraught with struggles. These are here to help each of us to grow in understanding.

Marie, if you had been chosen to make the next leg of your personal journey, if you had been chosen to die, you would not have been sad nor hurt again. In fact, all the pain you have endured in your entire lifetime would seem as miniscule as a gentle breeze. Understanding would replace anguish. You must know that your mother will be there waiting as she has already come to you in dreams. We are all super glad your time on Earth is not finished, but you must ask yourself why? What have you not yet accomplished? There is something or many things left for you to learn before you go. These things are for the betterment of you and are not mandated by anyone else. The things you must do are very personally yours to achieve. I am glad I can finally share some of this without fear of judgement.

Mom, you need not worry about your future. I am asking Magee to give you some direction in this open forum of the internet. I hope she hears me. I guess you'll know if she does.

Please remember that I feel things differently than I believe most of you do. I can tell you with honesty that this Earth seems much too small to me. Too constricting for my taste, but it is not a choice. I must complete this lifetime in order to progress. As my exploration inside me and the world around us continues, I will try to keep ya'll in the loop.

One last note: I have always been severley sensitive to the emotional states of others. So much so, I often feel what they do and it is very aggravating. I feel it and to me the feeling causes anger. So much pain in the world and I feel it all. Sucks, but I am coming to realize that this may be the lesson I am supposed to learn. This may be the path for me and I am frightened at the prospect.

Did Uncle Tim Name These Things?

2005-02-03T23:24:00.000-08:00

Sometimes stories you heard as a child about your Family stick with you. Well, I will forever remember a story I heard about my Uncle Tim and who cares if the details are a little fuzzy. Fuzzy can be good.

Anyway, here's the very short version. Tim had a gas card to fill his ride when he was young. Apparently he used to sign the receipt with odd names. Remember they used to actually stand there and run your card through that new-fangled credit card imprinter and then they handed you that old school plastic board with the receipt, card, and a pen. You almost wanted to tip the guy.

I hope Tim can fill us in on some of the names he used.

I was inclined at a younger age to ask why and now at an older age I think I finally understand. It is not to ask why but to ask why not!

The title bar is a tribute to this naming fun! CLICK THE TITLE! I know Tim will appreciate this.

Tsunami Baby Custody Battle

2005-02-02T17:53:00.000-08:00

In a groundbreaking decision, Officials in Kalumani, Sri Lanka have decided to let the Bible decide the fate of Baby 81. After 9 separate women claimed to be the Mother, it was determined that the baby should be cut in 9 pieces and distributed proportionately.

JUST KIDDING!! They decided to go the science route and test his DNA. Let's all thank God for the insight and Thank Man for the solution!

Thanks Mom...For the Joke!

2005-02-02T13:02:00.000-08:00

You gotta love a guy like this. Humor in the face of defeat.

A Marine was deployed in Iraq. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone. She wanted to break up with him and she wanted pictures of herself returned.

So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all of the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with and without clothing) to his former girlfriend with the following note:

"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."

************
Thank you Mom for the laugh! To quote a famous hero of mine, Jerry Mouse's Nephew sums it all up with,"Touche Pussycat".

Need a Hero?

2005-01-31T17:37:00.000-08:00

This is one of mine. Not perfect... but what's interesting about perfect?

Catholics Beware

2005-01-31T10:53:00.000-08:00

First...I am no longer associating myself with the Catholic Church. VICTORY! I have not lost my faith, just not going to listen to the hypocrites anymore. Organized religion is the greatest "CON" ever pulled on the Human Race. Everything we do is for survival purposes and religion has allowed a select group of us to control the rest. As we gain intelligence we appreciate the faerie tales for their message, right? We don't allow the "make-believe" to cloud our quest for knowledge, right? I won't allow myself to be brainwashed any longer!

I would venture to remind all Humans that with religion or without, this earth is not ours to abuse indiscriminately. People today hide behind religion to protect their ability to be hypocritical and to get what they WANT. The attitude of I will choose who to help, who to kill, who to hate, and who to love. Is this starting to sound like selfishness or ego? Either way, it cannot be what your God tells you to do. But since the reality is people do make these choices, I want everyone to consider how your belief in your religion has truly made you a better person. And then consider giving "EVERYTHING" you possess to that organization. E V E R Y T H I N G! What now...too hard to do. Just keep on living your hypocritical life and leave me out of it. Keep up appearances America. In God we trust until he gets in our way!

If you find yourself writhing in furious disbelief at these accusations, please find the time to remind yourself that the bum you passed on the street is one of "God's" children too. What did your conviction to your religion compel you to do? Further more, how can you justify that God wants us to fight any war? Guess what...God does not want it, Humans do!

Organized Religion is the cause of all wars and the when religion is defeated, war will be defeated. Stop staring at the shadows and come with me to explore. I compel you to!

As if I really need evidence:

Billy Graham should get an education. Other than that of a Confidence Man.

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/graham/208226_billy31.html

Try this site on for size. God.com must be raking in millions of dollars!! Pay particular attention to the claim of the internet being dominated by religion. Sounds like a theory worth testing and seems easy enough. So here are the true results as received from Google, arguably one of the biggest search engines around:

Sex:

355.000.000 listings in a mere 0.11 seconds. WOW!

God:

129.000.000 listings in a mere 0.08 seconds.

Now, my math may be rusty but it sure seems to me that there are 2.75 times the number of places to find sex on the internet. Maybe that's because sex leads to more Humans and more Humans is our true ultimate goal. (Thank you Jeff for reminding me it's fun too! Probably a good reason for that too!) If it comes to it...could you stomach the extinction of the Human Race if the choice were to believe in a God or believe in your own survival? Before you remind me that God will protect us even in death, what if there are no "us" to protect? Ummm...Darwin still has the edge folks, but keep right on trying to prove him wrong.

For fun, click the Spiritual Bazaar button. Seems appropriate that one of the descriptions applied to the site, or to Religion for that matter, is "Political Power Tool". Apologies for pointing out the obvious to those in the know, but for those who reside in shadows I have brought you some knowledge. What you do with it is your dilemma.

http://www.time.com/time/godcom/home.html

Update: This is worth the read for anyone who might be locked into the "traditional" belief systems that organized religion has demanded for centuries. At least she has looked in the correct direction, not away from religion I agree, but the light is getting brighter.

http://hirr.hartsem.edu/bookshelf/ammerman_article2.html

This essay is about "Conversionsim vs. Brainwashing". Yes, it is yet more evidence that the two terms are indistinguishable, but I encourage you to draw your own conclusions.

http://www.people.vcu.edu/~dbromley/ATaleofTwoTheories.htm

Strange World

2005-01-31T08:38:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to point out that when "They" say you can find anything on the web..."They" aren't kidding! I am going to keep adding fun or strange links in this section. Check back here when you check back here!

http://www.komvet.at/ivadkom/vapsocs.htm
http://www.candystand.com/
http://www.bored.com/
http://www.snapbubbles.com/ You can always find time for virtual bubble wrap. Pop away! The "Old Version" is much more fun. For those of us to lazy to even click!

If you swallow a burp does it turn into a fart? Find out here: http://www.crazythoughts.com/

Waves and Simplicity

2005-01-29T17:56:00.000-08:00

Energy seems to be a key ingredient in all scientific study. We see all forms of energy travel in waves, whether radio, infrared light, or simple ocean waves. That brings me to the question:

Can we apply fluid dynamics to the study of Dark Energy and the associated M-Theory in Physics?

In order to agree that our Universe is a part of a Multiverse and that our Universe does consist of 11 dimensions, I had to picture the inner workings of a cell. A cell produces a membrane to contain the necessary ingredients for existence. In the cell are different structures that serve different purposes and are formed to suit that need. There are pathways in and out of the cell and mechanisms for traversing them. Inside this cell material is generated until the current cell wall is not suitably strong to contain it and the split occurs. This is a very simple refresher to point your attention. If you know more about cells than I, then you are in the majority.

Thinking in terms of a cell, there is a fluid inside the cell called the cytoplasm or cytosol, that allows the cell to have structures inside performing energy conversion activities and mobility. What if our Universe could be described in a fashion similar to this cell? What if the truth behind Dark Energy were as simple as the cytosol inside the cell? The expansion of the Universe would make sense if the processes in the Universe were generating the materials for another version of itself.

As crazy as this seems, consider the Membrane or Brane theory of the Universe (Basically the theory says our Universe is contained in a Membrane that is traveling through a larger unknown space). The Big Bang was caused by the collision of our Brane and the one next door. This collision set off an energy release we call the Big Bang. This energy release is supposedly the mechanism for the spreading of materials throughout known space-time in our Brane. The theory also mentions that this has probably occurred many times and will continue to occur. What if those Branes were just the parent cell of our current Universe? Could they still be around? Logically, wouldn't there be uncountable numbers of Universes just like ours but as different as every cell in our body? I am NOT trying to use the cliche of the universe in your thumbnail, I am simply using a simple model that we know many things about to look at something too big to conceptualize.

Anyway, I think Dark Energy is a form of cytosol and when we consider the effects of fluids under pressure, we just might find a solution to the as yet unexplainable expansion of our Universe. We might also open up some doors between the science disciplines. Any encouragement to get the M-Theorists more foot soldiers is worth the time and effort.

My suggestion is to stop looking for the next Einstein and get on with asking some of the ridiculous questions. He asked some of the best ridiculous questions in our recent history and the results are still praiseworthy.

The Big Bounce

2005-01-29T15:55:00.000-08:00

This line is from the movie The Big Bounce and it sums things up nicely. Morgan Freeman can sure deliver a line.

"God is an imaginary friend for grownups"

If that doesn't get some wheel of logic turning, we are most certainly doomed to follow the path of every civilization before us. Question what you don't understand, don't label it with ego and assumption. Make-believe is the current drug of choice for so many people that we have lost our ability to perceive reality. Life is a struggle for survival and not everyone's supposed to win. I put my faith in that fact and I am able to find solace.

New Evolution

2005-01-29T13:56:00.000-08:00

From the time of Darwin man has garnered a vast understanding of natural selection and its value to evolution. Granted, evolution takes time and thus survival requires this time as well. Sometimes the evolutionary process leaves a species behind. This is not a tragedy due in part to the space left vacant for another species to assume. I pondered this reality and tried to apply the basic principles of evolution and natural selection to modern humans. The model does not fit as precisely as even Darwin would have hoped. The reason for this is modern man's constant war against nature, attempting to survive. We happen to recognize the inevitability of our death and in turn we spend all our efforts to curtail this process.

What we are left with is a species speeding up the evolutionary process by furthering our ability to survive the diseases, disasters, and mutations without concern for why these pitfalls exist. They must be there serving some purpose. It is so far fetched to think that a group of people could survive even the most catastrophic of events, whether disease or disaster, to further the Human race. The skills learned and adaptations made would serve to grow the species stronger than before...more chance of survival. This has already happened in the past. Should we not be thinking about this as a reality and prepare. Prepare to pass on the correct information to those that will be the survivors, to those generations so far in the future we cannot contemplate it. Something has to change.

Humans have begun the process of using natural resources at paces beyond Nature's time frames. We are consuming at these frenetic paces because of our desire to defeat death. Imbalance always leads to a re-balance. We are just about to reach the height of the pendulous swing and the journey back to equilibrium is going to hurt.

Modern medicine is replacing the genetic growth that our species had enjoyed over some 30,000 years and we are now paying the price. We fight to make more people when we cannot even feed the ones already here. When is enough going to be enough. Nature will decide that and we will have to sit back watch.

Our brains have learned to utilize only so much of their power due to our egotistical decision making. Or have we really boarded the evolutionary train and took over engineer duties? While the latter sure fits our belief system, what if it isn't the case. What if the reality is we are driving the train...just driving it blind and deaf. I feel a big change coming in the way we inhabit this planet and participation is limited to anything on earth. Nature will have it's way, so we best prepare for the long-term.

Need Stuff? Like Discounts?

2005-01-29T13:36:00.000-08:00

You can find most things here. The 'search' box near the top right is invaluable. These online discounts are all very real and the deals can be spectacular. I have subscribed to 7 different magazines for under $40...total! Best Deal Magazines is worth signing up for. I only receive periodic emails from them and the magazines come like clockwork.

The coupon codes listed can also apply on top of manufacturer discounts...even at their own websites. There is a Dell computer with a free 17 in LCD monitor and all the bells and whistles for $699. Comuter parts, memory, etc is all listed but so is just about anything else you want. CLICK the title to check it out!

Tsunami Relief Photos: U.S. Navy

2005-01-29T11:37:00.000-08:00

This is an interesting site showing how our Military really is a service organization. There are some great pictures and interesting details accompany each picture.

This Tsunami tragedy has re-ignited the Human passion for learning and out of this disaster we will learn much.

(CLICK the Title)

UPDATE: I wanted to add that I am proud of our Military for standing in the face of terrorism and reminding those bastards what it "feels" like to die. They all want to die anyway. Glad our Team can be of service. And as if the world needed another reason to respect the decisions of the United States, our role in Tsunami Relief is solid evidence that we hurt those that deserve it and help those in need. We don't sit back and just "U.N." all day. (UN-done...UN-able...UN-believable!!)

To all those Blue States, including mine, please take a look at the history of Countries that have stood firm on their belief that they could ignore injustice in the world around them. The French come to mind. John Kerry must be French. Do you want to be French? I am not one for walking into the room backwards with my pants around my ankles. I'd prefer to fight.

I am glad we have enough closet believers in our Country to keep alive our fight for Justice and Peace, Viva Bush!. Sounds ironic to say "fight for peace", but when the attacker of this peace is driven by their religious beliefs to kill everyone that is not of the same faith, I cannot find a difference between them and the nazis. On that note, I cannot find a reason to stop spending every ounce of our energies tracking down these barbarians and introducing them to the Grim Reaper.

For all those reading this that disagree with my views, ask yourself when you last saw a Terrorist help anyone. They want an eye for eye and will instead receive death in exchange for nothing. Always remember that the terrorists invited us to this fight. We did not pick it and it is nowhere near finished! Let's run up the score on these bastards!

Darwin vs. The Bible

2005-01-28T18:38:00.000-08:00

I found in conversation with my Brother that perspective can sometimes supplant reality when the topics of religion are discussed. I understand the need to have faith in the unknowable, omnipresent God of our generation, however, it is just that. This is the God of our generation, the modern human. In all cultures worship of the natural forces of life and nature have abounded into long held traditional belief systems that now guide the actions and thoughts of those who choose to believe. Ancients did not understand the Sun so they worshiped it as a god. Were they really wrong? Without the Sun nothing exists in this solar system because this solar system does not exist. The Sun is life giving and worthy of worship, but one should be wary in how much to attribute to this power.

With understanding comes measured faith. We have faith in the Sun to provide for us on Earth but how often do we ask it for help in our lives? I would venture to argue that a day will come when understanding of lifes basic origin will be uncovered by science and creationism will be as laughable as Mythology. This is not to say that God does not exist, I only try to open minds to the idea that we place our faith in something improvable due to the inherent security involved. The notion that you cannot prove me wrong, therefore I am right. We will prove you wrong.

Since we cannot start to imagine answers to the seemingly unanswerable questions, we must fill this void with faith that an Omnipotent, Omnipresent Creator has watch over all and will protect us even in death. Pleasant theory. The question for me will always remain.Where did the story begin? You know, the story of how God created Earth and all we know of the Universe in a mere seven days. There is a Human origin to this story and I believe when we find the source, we will have our proof. The story was "created" to give answers to the masses and to "control" the masses. All civilizations have exploited religion to further their own earthly desires, whether it be deemed sinful or moral. It is no different today.

Creationism is like a lobotomy in that you know things are pretty and the Faerie Tale you just heard makes perfect sense, but that's about all you know. You cannot see beyond the shadows on the wall of the cave and will forever stare at them in awe. I have chosen to leave the cave and find the source of the shadows. The beautiful thing about life is that you all can make a choice to follow me, but you have to let go of your belief in modern religion to do so. Evolution is a more appropriate honor to bestow upon your God. And the next time you find yourself thinking that we were made in god's image, think about what your religion says about "EGO". My God is a scientist and is thrilled that we are questioning everything.

To determine which side of the coin you may be living on, please ask yourself the following question:

Do you believe that a magician's trick is real or staged? You have your answer in your head, now say it aloud and see if you feel smart or stupid. It really is that simple. Never stop asking the right questions.

The following links will be continually updated as science dismantles the bible and finally shows that the messages in the bible are important, but the book is FICTION!
http://www.discover.com/web-exclusives/lifes-little-bubbles0202/ Man creates life from scratch!
http://www.discover.com/issues/feb-05/cover/ Testing Darwin
http://www.discover.com/issues/feb-05/features/earth-without-people/ Earth without People

Why Do Athletes Thank God?

2005-01-28T18:29:00.000-08:00

It's not about God or Jesus or any other Holy Being intervening in your life, but about the inspiration from your belief that fuels a passion, a fever, an unstoppable desire to do your best. Results, usually better with added effort, are accredited to the Holy Being your belief is placed in; yet, a wonderful reality explodes into existence when you see the truth in your success lies within your belief in yourself. Can we then not infer that the true Holy Being you weave into your life, that you place your belief in, is none other than yourself?

Think about each time you see a professional athlete thank God or Jesus and ask yourself the question I have put forth above.

Iron Chef

2005-01-22T22:46:00.000-08:00

Just have a bone to pick with Food Network. Thank you for ruining the Iron Chef by allowing the Coat of Arms to be shat upon by the likes of Bobby Flay. Pompous little Prick!!

I sure am glad that this sickening attempt to capitalize on a show with a "cult" following has resulted in a new show about a short order cook with lots of left over corn and salsa. The only thing missing is the "Hee Haw" set. It is a joke...right?

I have an idea. Just invite the original show and cast over to America to do a show where...Oh, that's right, Bobby Flay f*%#d that up too!! They came over and Mr. Denny's pissed on their traditions.

Nice try Food Network...try again!!

UPDATE: The last days of Caesar's Empire in Las Vegas are upon us. In a "Nero-like" effort to burn the Palace to the ground, Caesar's has hired the odious vexation of our time. One more reason to NOT go to Caesar's...introducing Mr. Choke & Puke...Bobby Flay. Interesting note. My spell check keeps trying to replace 'Flay' with the very appropriate "Flaw". You're beginning to see!

Questions

2005-01-22T22:02:00.000-08:00

Questions are all we really have in life. They are the only reason we keep on wanting the next minute, day, year. We have so many questions. My questions have brought me full circle. Right back to where I started. I was in search of a path for the "meat" of my life and now I think I have found some of the right questions to be asking. Most of these are rhetorical in nature, however, there are probably answers to them as well. I believe when we ask a rhetorical question, we are simply predetermining the outcome. We cannot explain the answer in a manner that satisfies the complexity of the question and therefore banish it the land of rhetoric. Guess who else lives in that land? God.

The following questions are asked with the intent of beginning a dialogue. I do not expect that most will understand the purpose in asking these questions but I have a need to pursue the answers.

Are humans the only living creatures that have an aptitude for higher reasoning?
Is Language really only a Human ability?
Why are we allowing our "egos" to blind us in our attempts to conquer science?
Why are we always looking for the complex path to answers?

Humans teach other living organisms our language in some form or another, daily. We are looking at things through our "Ego Goggles" and do not look at the question from the other side. It is a survival benefit to learn this new language. At the same time, it indicates a cognitive learning ability and a predisposition for language in the organism being taught. That lead me to wonder if all living organisms have developed language that enhances their survivability. We act as though languages we do not understand must not exist at all. How could Humans be "Special" if this were true? Are we really that special?

CLICK the Title Bar for a very interesting essay on this topic. My musings on the essay will follow in a few days.

http://www.peterussell.com/index2.html Use this link to check out this guys home page. A thinker who has left the cave to find the source of the shadows...good read!