Waiting

I realized that I have been living a few days ahead of the rest of the world for some time now. This is why things have not been clear to me. Physically I still existed in the time everyone keeps, but mentally I was gaining days every hour. I can associate the feeling with that of accelerated aging. In other words, I have been given an opportunity to learn things that most cannot know, at least not at such a young age. Some things I have learned people will never know. Not even if I could explain. Some of the knowledge is not supposed to be available to us. Yet I have access to it.

People with more year's experience have a wisdom that has been growing as a tree, layers of information stored. Just think of the way you knew things 10 years ago and imagine how you would act now, with a decade of information to add to the analysis. Now imagine getting that information early, but not understanding how it applied until the actual experience passed and could be viewed in retrospect. I was told by everyone that this was a normal side effect of hindsight. But now I know different.

I have always known that hindsight is analyzing something after the fact to review the new information acquired and learn how to apply it next time. I experience some things in life with that "hindsight" information available to me, call it foresight, and have to make conscious choices as to a direction. Lately it has been almost all my experiences. The tricky part is understanding the information and how to apply it, without knowing what the events are going to be. How can I make an educated choice, using information available to me ahead of schedule, when the outcome is unknown? And how does the early knowledge interact with all I already know? Difficult questions to answer completely, but even partial answers are enormous gains. I have some big partial answers already. I think I know where and how to find the rest.

So I am back to living days, actually years ahead of the rest of you. I have begun to learn, that in order to use the foresight, I must first have a destination in mind. I need to reset all the goals I have ever dreamed. Those old dreams have followed Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy into my internal fiction section. New dreams are required, new goals must be determined.

Not all the choices have been made. Not all the scores have been tallied. Most final decisions have been made though. Hard to know how to change things without changing yourself. Peace will come but it will be expensive. More expensive than any human can conceive. These are things I know and can share.

I am continuing ahead without the rest of you for now. I have a strong feeling that I will be coming back, I just have to wait for that time to come. It is time for my hegira.